One of the most traumatic events in our lifetime is the death of a loved one. Losing a child to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is heart wrenching and devastating to the parents and immediate family who must say goodbye to someone before their time.
For those coping with the recent death of a child from SIDS, the CJ Foundation is one of the leading organizations for SIDS in the country.
The CJ Foundation for SIDS was founded in 1994 by Joel and Susan Hollander in memory of their daughter, Carly Jenna, who died from SIDS in 1993.
The foundation offers a plethora of resources for those who have recently lost a child. They also offer a free bereavement packet which includes a book about the bereavement process.
This link provides information for the free packet http://www.cjsids.org/grief-and-bereavement/if-youre-bereaved.html/
You can also contact the CJ Foundation for SIDS if you are interested in an online parent to parent support group.
A psychologist from Chicago once told me that "it takes more than two years to grieve for the loss of a loved one, but everyone grieves differently and there is no time limit on the grieving process."
The psychologist also mentioned that holidays, birthdays, and the day of the death are especially difficult. A few days before the "special day" you may feel sluggish or depressed.
While I have never experienced the death of a child, I have experienced the death of my father and this emotionally traumatic experience shook me to my core.
For more than two years following his death, I would become restless the day before his birthday, the day of his death, and at Christmas. It was a horrible and helpless feeling. But, in order to settle my mind, I would reflect on the happy times we celebrated together.
I would recall our first family trip to Hawaii, sitting on his boat and my dad laughing at me for becoming sea sick, and even the thought of his smile. These happy memories seemed to ease my grief.
The CJ Foundation for SIDS recommends the following tips for grieving parents, family members and friends:
• Remember -- these "special days" are only temporary
• Anticipation of a "special day" is worse than the actual day itself
• Get plenty of rest
• Do something special for yourself
• Offer kindness and support to others who are having a hard time
• Lower your expectations of yourself
• It’s okay to stay away from children for a while
• Give yourself permission to feel and do whatever you think is right
• Pick and choose the family events you will attend
• Find comfort or inspiration in a holiday event or a new tradition
• Look to your religious beliefs for strength and support
• Find a support group that works for you
Other possible resources for bereavement include:
• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support, Inc.
http://www.nationalshare.org
or (800) 821-6819
• Bereaved Parents of the USA which offers support for parents, siblings, and grandparents
http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org
• The Compassionate Friends offers support for families after the death of a child of any age
http://www.compassionatefriends.org or (877) 969-0010
• The Dougy Center - The National Center for Grieving Children and Families
http://www.dougy.org
• MISS Foundation provides crisis support as well as long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause.
http://www.misschildren.org
Remember, help and support are available during this painful time.
Sources:
"Parents and Caregivers." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 18 Oct. 2011. Web. 07 Jan. 2014.
http://www.cdc.gov/sids/Parents-Caregivers.htm
"Tips for Special Days." CJ Foundation for SIDS. Web. O7 Jan. 2014.
http://www.cjsids.org/cj_media/docs/if_youre_bereaved/tips-for-special-days.pdf
"If You Are Bereaved." CJ Foundation for SIDS. Web. 07 Jan. 2014
http://www.cjsids.org/grief-and-bereavement/if-youre-bereaved.html
Reviewed January 7, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith