4 Big Faulty Money Beliefs and How They Impact Your Daily Health

When I was 10 my parents got a divorce. I went from being a pretty normal kid with financial security to a kid in a struggling single-parent household. I was under constant financial stress that we were one inch from losing our home. I worried that I would have to move and make new friends, and essentially, leave the life I knew.

I grew up learning that money was scarce, and that the wealthy people in our neighborhood were spoiled and lazy. Why is this important? Because childhood experiences – more often than we may want to acknowledge – shape our adult beliefs and behaviors.

But these beliefs do not have to rule your life. There are solutions (so stay tuned). I too have had to face down and work through some seriously unhealthy beliefs to find the other side where healthier beliefs live and thrive.

Here are the Big Four Faulty Money Beliefs:

1. Money is bad. (I/they don’t deserve it, rich people are bad, only greedy people want money.)
2. Money is self-worth, (How much I make is how much I’m worth as a person.)
3. Money will solve all my problems. (Money is the solution, money makes a person happy, money is love.)
4. Money is scarce. (Frugal, all saving no spending, don’t talk about money, there is not enough money to go around, I will never have enough.)

By the time I went to college, without knowing it, I had unconsciously strapped beliefs one and four to my back. In high school, I had a good friend who came from a wealthy family. Her mother had inherited her wealth, talked poorly about people that didn’t have money and often used her wealth like a weapon (when she was happy my friend received gifts, when she was not, items were withheld).

My friend grew up learning that money was equivalent to self-worth and that if her parents were giving her money then that meant that she was loved. By the time she went to college, she had unconsciously strapped beliefs two and three to her back.

I will never forget the day when we met in the gym in the middle of our senior year as college was looming. We both looked a mess and we were on the verge of tears. We sat down and confessed to one another that the stress in our lives was reaching a boiling point. Neither one of us was eating much, our sleeping was all but nonexistent and we were both walking around in constant fear. “So, what’s got you so freaked out?” my friend asked me.

“Money for college.” I answered. “What about you?”

She laughed a bit then said, “Money for college.” I was stunned. How could a girl with so much wealth have any issues with money?

She told me that her parents would only pay for college if she went into a field of study that her mom approved of, and that these areas were nothing she wanted to spend her life doing. She wanted to apply for student loans, but since her parents had quite a bit of money, she didn’t qualify. She was terrified of disappointing her parents and equally terrified of living a life that was not meant for her. I, on the other hand, had understanding parents who supported any dream I had, but unfortunately, could not fund my education. In the end, we both found our way – but that day taught me something that impacted the rest of my career.

Money stress is real and has far-reaching effects.

As a financial therapist and writer, I think about the impact that money has on people on a daily basis. I know all the statistics – most people rate money as their number one source of stress and all that jazz. But what is that stress doing to their health?

I recently asked a group of clients to write down how they believed their financial stress was impacting their health. These are some of their comments:

1. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe when I get my bills. I worry about my children and meeting their needs. Sometimes I drink when my kids are asleep. I drink a lot to help ease the stress.
2. I have a chronic health condition and I worry about my future ability to pay for all my medical expenses. It is on my mind daily. I know I need to take better care of myself, but all my money is going to basic medical care.
3. I am like a yo-yo. As a salesman, I have good months and bad. When the month is good, I feel positive and hopeful. When the month is bad, I feel hopeless and angry. This leads to crazy fights with my wife.
4. I was losing so much sleep worrying about my debt that I would come into work looking like a zombie. Not surprisingly, I got fired which didn’t make the stress any easier.
5. During the time when I was unsure how I was going to get through my divorce and find a new way to make a living, I found I was getting sick often. Tons of headaches, back aches and colds. I was one big ache.

While not a scientific survey, these responses are typical of the comments that I hear. What I have noticed is that financial stress tends to manifest in:

• Poor coping skills
• Self-Neglect
• Lack of emotional balance (excessive moodiness, anxiety or depression)
• Impaired cognitive ability
• Impaired immune functioning

That’s the bad news – what’s the good news?

Financial stress can be managed! Don’t just accept that you have to live under stress and panic. There is a method for you – if you take a little time to figure out what might work. In fact, here are some quick and dirty tips.

Tips and Tools to Lighten the Load

1. Start with your thinking. Do you think bad thoughts about money? Start thinking of it like a friend. This is not a miracle cure, but truth be told, it helps. Instead of seeing money as a source of pain and frustration, start seeing it as a reliable buddy. Also calm yourself with some evidence. The great probability is that you will find a way through whatever money issue is confronting you – you do not need to punish yourself further by worrying or being overly anxious.
2. Learn new tools! Remember that anxiety is highly treatable! Here are a couple of great books on anxiety that offer easy and practical tools: The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques by Wehrenberg and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety by Forsyth.
3. Find a concrete and personalized healthy coping skill. If you invest a few weeks in finding a “go to” practice that can calm you down you will have that practice for life. Take a yoga class, get out into nature, download funny movies, cultivate friendships, plant a garden, ride a bike – do whatever you think is your healing medicine – then do more of it!
4. Tackle the issues in bite-sized pieces. Do only one or two anxiety-provoking items per day or create a day to handle money issues (Tackle it Tuesday) then put it out of your mind the rest of the week.
5. Find support emotionally. If you are drinking or using substances to the point that it is impacting your work or home life, get some support. There are several online communities such as www.dailystrength.org or www.healthfulchat.org if you want a more anonymous and free outlet. If your use is deeply impacting your life/health, look to a professional organization like www.aa.org and find a meeting ASAP.
6. Find support financially. Join a community that will lift you up and teach you both emotional and practical tools. Of course, I want to welcome you to our community at www.womenwealthywise.com! Others that I find helpful are www.mint.com. Or if you’re in a lot of debt, check out www.debtorsanonymous.org (great in-person and online support).
7. Extreme self-care. For a few weeks pursue self-care like your life depended on it. Meditate, take time to yourself, and take a long bath or a long walk. Ask for help from those around you to get some needed time to yourself. Go slow, be patient with yourself and pat yourself on the back for small achievements.

I know it’s scary. Especially when you first realize that a false money belief or two is strapped to your back. You might feel that you can never shake it or that you will always have to live under the cloud of financial stress. But it’s not true. The truth is that like anything else you face in your life, awareness and baby steps can transform your life. Today, this moment may be about awareness. Tomorrow, take a baby step.

Look how far you have come already. You can do this.

Marni Freedman, LMFT, is a Financial Therapist at www.womenwealthywise.com.