Let’s face it, it's inevitable. We have to age. Our children grow up, our hair turns gray, we stop having our periods, and our skin becomes thinner and more wrinkled. We can't stay young forever — and who would even want to?
But that doesn’t take away the fear that we are losing control of ourselves, the uncertainty that rises, and the worry we feel that our lives will change in ways we won’t like. Ways that are hard to accept.
Here are some of the fears women are concerned about when they age and what we can do about them.
1) Fear of losing our looks
Its no wonder we fear becoming unattractive. Every magazine photo and TV commercial blasts us with images that convince us what beauty is — Beauty is young.
What's important is to not dismiss those feelings as silly or shallow. We are not being self-indulgent to mourn the loss of our previous self. But, we have to acknowledge that we can’t possibly look the same at 47 or 57 as we did at 27.
If you want to color your hair or have procedures such as Botox or face peels, then do them. They are temporary fixes that are less likely to cause harm.
However, springing for plastic surgery to re-plump your breasts or reshape your face can backfire. Those new breasts may be surrounded by arms that are no longer firm, or your new face may contrast against a wrinkly neck.
Instead of feeling better about yourself, you are now focused on the next part of your body that is showing your age, warns Vivian Diller, a New York City psychologist and co-author of the 2010 book, "Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change and What to Do about It," as reported in the Los Angeles Times.
2) Fear of getting cancer or dementia
Despite the fact that medicine has made tremendous advances in the treatment of cancer, the word cancer still strikes fear in our hearts. The thing is, heart disease is actually the number one killer of women in the United States, according to Caring.com.
How dementia develops is still being studied, but certain factors such as physical activity and brain stimulation are thought to ward it off, Healthy Woman.org reminds us.
Do your best to lead a healthy life. Eat good food, exercise and stimulate your mind with hobbies or books, and know that you have lived your life as well as you could.
3) Fear of growing old alone
We fear growing old alone because it is pretty common knowledge that women outlive men. It is likely you will outlive your spouse. Something unexpected can also happen to close members of your family.
The only way to not be alone is to put yourself out there to connect with friends and family, even if you don’t feel like you want to. Today, fortunately, you can also reach out via the Internet, if face-to-face or on the phone is not your thing.
I have a 90-year-old second cousin who must keep one of those special-occasion date books because she sends birthday cards every year to my son (who she has never met) and me. I always write her back a newsy letter.
4) Fear of being broke
This is a legitimate concern. Many women are reliant on their husbands to be the main money managers in their lives, and if they become divorced later in life, or if a spouse dies without a safety net set up, then money can be scarce.
The only way to work on this fear is to learn something about money management. Many adult schools or even libraries hold these types of classes.
However, it does not take a class to start saving money. Write down your monthly expenses to get a better grasp on how you spend money. Open up a bank account in your own name, even if you are married. Put money away every month, even if you know there will be other sources of income available when you are old.
5) Fear of needing to rely on others
As women, we are used to being the ones everyone else relies upon. We are the ones who typically come to the rescue. However, when we are older, we are most likely going to need the help of others.
Plan ahead concerning some aspects of aging that must be managed, no matter what.
1) Make sure you have a will, advanced directives and health care proxy in place.
2) Decide who you want to have power of attorney in the event you can no longer make decisions for yourself. Set up the paperwork with a lawyer.
3) As difficult as it is, find a cemetery you would want to be buried in, and buy a plot. Do not leave this for your children to do while they are grieving and distraught.
Come to the rescue on these tasks while you are still alive.
Sources:
Women and Aging: 5 Things Women Fear Most About Aging. Caring.com. Retrieved September 13, 2015.
https://www.caring.com/articles/5-things-women-fear-about-aging
Confronting the wrinkles and gray hair. LA Times.com. Retrieved September 13, 2015.
http://articles.latimes.com/2011/sep/09/health/la-he-aging-body-percepti...
6 Common Myths About Aging. Retrieved September 13, 2015.
http://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/6-common-myths-about-aging?c...
Michele is an R.N. freelance writer with a special interest in woman’s healthcare and quality of care issues.
Edited by Jody Smith