Is it ever appropriate to tell your partner how many sexual partners or sexual liaisons you have experienced in your lifetime?
According to sex expert Tracey Cox, "No matter how many people you've slept with, it will always be too many."
Men may look at your differently after you reveal the number. It is a lose-lose situation all around. He may see your number as too high, or even too low, depending on his experience.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, among adults aged 20 to 59, women have an average of four sex partners during their lifetime while men have an average of seven based on survey results.
But, according to The Lancet, the average number of sexual partners in a woman's lifetime is eight, and the average for men is 12 partners.
While men may statistically have more partners than women, some men may have a tough time erasing their partner’s sexual partner number off of their hard drive.
One good friend of mine made the mistake of asking his fiancée how many men she slept with. Turns out her number was higher than his number, and he broke off the engagement two weeks later. He said, every time they were in bed together, he couldn’t get the number out of his mind.
While this may be immaturity and insecurity on this man's part, you still have nothing to gain by revealing your sexual partner number.
I am grateful my husband has never asked my number. Some things are better left unsaid. If he did ask, my reply would be, "I can’t remember especially after I’ve been with you. You made me forget about the rest."
"People will judge you no matter what answer you give when asked about past lovers and the assumption they make is usually wrong," Cox said, "Which is why I don't care who's doing the asking – whether it's your partner, mother, best friend or beauty therapist - your answer to how many lovers you've had is no answer."
Even if you lowball the answer, over time your partner may do the math in his or her head and become angered if you lied about your number. Remember Ben Affleck’s character in the film "Chasing Amy"? He lost his mind and ended the relationship after Amy revealed her partner number.
You should treat your number as a prized possession and something that is private. Your response can be simple. "I don’t kiss and tell."
Reviewed February 12, 2016
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith