It's been a long time since I lived through my first year with my first baby. But some things stay etched in memory.
There was so much I didn't know! Fortunately, it's not necessary to know it all in the beginning. And there is time to learn, as that first year unfolds.
Maybe you'll relate to some of my experience. And, of course, some of it you may not relate to at all. That's because each mother, each baby and each mother/child relationship is unique and one of a kind.
Here are some of the things I learned during my baby's first year:
1) I didn't know how scary it is to be totally responsible for a tiny vulnerable human being.
When my husband Alan and I brought our first child home from the hospital, we didn't know what to do with him. He was asleep in his car seat, and we decided to take him out and put him in his bassinet. He slept through that.
We stood there at the bassinet for a few minutes, completely stumped. Should we go sit down? Should we stand guard against ... we didn't know what?
Eventually we went into the next room and sat till he woke up and we panicked about the fact that he was now awake.
2) I didn't know that strangers on the street would stop me and give me advice or lecture me.
I don't know why some strangers got so concerned about what my baby was wearing, why they consider this or that to be inappropriate for a little boy, or for the season, or for any child whatsoever.
Mostly I let them get away with it, but now I'd advise any new mother to learn to use these valuable words — "Gotta go!" — and make tracks.
3) I didn't know what true sleep deprivation was before I had my first baby.
I'd had my share of late-nights as a teenager and in my early 20s, but nothing prepared me for the ongoing lack of sleep that flattened me in my baby's first few months.
He didn't really sleep at night, and his daytime naps were usually about 10 minutes long.
I was so tired sometimes I felt like I was floating, dreaming, almost hallucinating ... yet somehow I managed to carry on.
It was like I was sleepwalking, moving on automatic, rocking the baby in my chair with my eyes rolled back in my head.
4) I didn't know how labor-intensive cleaning up a diaper could be.
I'd done some babysitting as a teenager, but I guess my experience with messy diapers was limited.
I was astonished at how far things could spread, over the top of a diaper and up the back or down the legs, through the blanket on the couch, smeared onto the car seat ...
But maybe this is already too much information. Suffice it to say, sometimes the smartest solution is the bathtub.
5) I wasn't prepared for the heartbreak that accompanied separations.
No maternity leave for me back in the olden days. Since I only worked part-time before my child was born, and since nobody is ever really prepared for what it's like to leave a new baby, I expected to be up to the challenge.
But missing my baby, coupled with feeling less than secure about the only babysitter I could find, made going to work torture.
I know I could have eventually made my peace with it somehow, people do. But after a few weeks, both Alan and I opted to ditch my part-time job and stay home with our little one.
6) I didn't realize just how important I would be to my baby.
Eventually it became obvious that my baby knew me, and preferred me to anyone on the face of the earth. Sometimes that made life more difficult, because nobody could comfort him and calm him the way I could. Other times it made me feel like Queen of the World, for the same reasons.
7) I didn't know that no matter how bad the day had been, a smile from my baby made it all worthwhile.
In the first few months, a baby tends to seem pretty unaware of anyone, and it can feel like you're taking care of a self-absorbed little despot who is always wanting something, and who doesn't appreciate you.
I'd say that's pretty much the case. But when my baby started making eye contact, and smiling when he'd see me or hear my voice, all the slave labor seemed worthwhile.
8) I didn't know how fast and wriggly a baby in its second six months could be.
It's a good thing they can't do anything when you bring them home. And it's a good thing their abilities — to move, to grab, to crawl, to stand — evolve gradually, and (usually) with some warning.
One week things are safe on the coffee table, the next week everything needs to be put up on a high shelf, baby gates need to be thought of, drawers need to be locked.
9) I had no idea how messy mealtime would become.
No matter how old your baby is when you decide to start feeding solids, you're going to find you've entered strange new territory.
I had no idea just how far a bowl of food could go — as a trajectory across the room, or coating my baby from head to toe.
Bibs, baby trays, and bowls that are kept out of reach ... these are all essential to fulfill the goal of self-protection and for the prevention of puddles on the kitchen table and floor.
Think the act of eating just involves scooping up food and putting it in your mouth? Not in Baby World.
If you're a baby you're going to want to shoot it out of your mouth, let it dribble down your chin, then get your fingers in it for the sensory experience and because it's fun to spread it around.
Bored with your food? Curious to see what reaction you can get from your parents? Time to grab the bowl and toss it as far as you can.
10) I didn't know how fascinating it could be to watch a young child figure things out.
They don't think like us, and in the first few months you may suspect there's no thinking going on at all.
But just give that little baby a bit of time to look around and watch things, and observe you. It will become clear that their little brains are working big-time, and at a pace unlike anything you've ever seen before.
The first year of your baby's life is epic. It is unlike any other, and it will never happen again. Take it all in, and enjoy this one-of-a-kind miracle to the hilt.