I'm 19 years old, and I no longer feel any sexual sensation, no matter if it's with masturbation, or with a partner. I used to have a very high sex drive and experience amazing orgasms, so I know how they're supposed to feel. I've never been sexually abused, and I know it's not an issue with medication. I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if there's hope of fixing it. More details here:
I started masturbating around age 12, if not younger. I remember being absolutely amazed at how orgasms felt. I remember the tingling numbness that takes over your whole body, and how it's the most intense feeling imaginable. I also remember how my mind would go blank and my body would feel dead and so satisfied afterwards. This was all a very long time ago, so I don't know exactly when things started to change. But a short time after I started masturbating, I remember being concerned that the orgasms started to feel shorter and less intense. It gradually got worse, until it just wasn't even intense at all anymore. I tried holding off on stimulating myself for months at a time, and other things like that, but the orgasms just never felt the same. I hoped that things would change when I had my first encounter with a boy.
Flash forward to about age 14. I made out with a boy for the first time, and I remember feeling turned on. I found out that even the lightest kisses on the neck would feel so intense and drive me insane. Still, my orgasms while masturbating remained so lackluster that I could barely even feel them. Gradually, I stopped feeling that excitement with kissing, and stopped feeling sensation when I had my neck kissed. Almost all sexual feeling stopped.
Flash forward to age 16, I really hooked up with a guy for the first time. He ate me out, and I know he was doing a good job, but the orgasm still felt the same, and throughout the whole experience, I never really felt anything. This is when I knew the problem was bad, because it had been 4 years since my orgasms had felt good, and now even with oral, which I had always thought would be like heaven, I felt nothing.
I've had an amazing boyfriend since age 17, so it's been over two years now. He knows about my problem, but not to the full extent, and he is extremely understanding. I'm in love with him and think he's crazy attractive, but not even he can arouse sexual feeling from me. We hook up, I give him head and he does the same for me, but I still never really feel much. When he (or the guys I hooked up with before I met him) kiss my neck, I feel nothing. It's as if he's kissing any other part of my body, like my cheek or something... I feel no reaction in my body anymore. And when he eats me out, the orgasm and sensation feels just as bland as when I masturbate, which I'll describe below. I'm still a virgin, because I wanted my first time to really feel good, so I wanted to wait until my problem got better. But now I'm not hopeful it ever will.
Here is my current situation: nothing can turn me on. I remember certain images in my head or certain ideas used to turn me on when I was much younger... 12 years old or maybe even less. Now, I never feel anything. Things like neck kisses or making out or even just a hand on my thigh (all things that used to make me feel something) have no effect on me.
I still masturbate often, and still have orgasms, but instead of feeling like an intense, whole body, amazing feeling, I can describe it like this: me masturbating is like I'm creating an itch and allowing myself to scratch it. It feels good in that sense, that I'm creating a sort of tension in my body and then relieving it, but nowhere near the amazing feeling I know it should be. I rub my clit for about two minutes, feeling basically nothing all the while except a sort of tension that I know needs to be released, and then it's relieved with a climax, and that's it. Then afterwards, it feels sort of unfinished. But if I stimulate it again, it just feels even LESS intense the next time I climax, so it's a never-ending cycle.
I remember when I was much younger, everything leading up to the orgasm felt intense and amazing. Even just barely touching down there, I would feel a lot. Now, I feel next to nothing throughout the process, until I climax, where I feel something kinda positive but not intense at all.
I've never read of any other female online with this problem. Usually they say they can't orgasm, but they just don't know how (and I clearly do know how), or don't know how it's supposed to feel (which I clearly do). Or they've only had this problem for a couple months, and it's probably a mood issue. My problem has been here for 7 years!! I've just never seen anyone with a similar issue to me.
The only medications I take are doxycycline, minocycline, and Yaz birth control (all for acne), but I know almost for sure that it's not any of the meds because the problem began at age 12, way before I was on any meds. Plus, I quit them all (including birth control) for 4 months one time, and nothing changed. I also didn't go on birth control until about age 16, and the problem had already been there for a long time at that point. I'm otherwise very healthy, and never been abused or anything, so I don't know what could have caused this.
Here are things I've tried:
• Holding off of all sexual contact for months (including masturbation).
• Pelvic floor physical therapy for many months (I read something about tight pelvic floor muscles causing less intense orgasms, but the therapist said the muscles aren't that tight and that they're probably not causing the problem since I've also lost sensation with kissing etc).
• Going to a gynecologist. She knew nothing and said her best guess was just that I "haven't kissed the right frog yet" which is ridiculous, since the problem is most evident with masturbation alone.
• Setting the mood, watching porn, toys, all of that.
• Going off my medications for 4 months.
• Thyroid tests and some other hormone tests.
I've tried everything and have no indication of what's wrong. It's been 7 years and I'm starting to lose hope. It really gets me down that I'm missing out on such an amazing and special part of life, at such a young age. I know exactly how amazing it is, remember, cause I used to feel it. And I hate that my boyfriend and I are doomed to lives without passion.