When promises are broken, hearts shatter; piece by piece, dispersing into a limbo where it’s hard to heal or forgive. And if it’s about those promises made at the altar about staying together and loyal to each other till eternity, then a broken promise, in fact, means infidelity.
But it our partner's infidelity or something else, we all sort out to live eventually – sometimes by forgiving, and sometimes, by moving on. Neither of the two is an easy decision, but if you plan on to forgiving, you really should read this.
If you are in a state of utter shock, it's because you never thought of getting cheated on; or maybe, you were the happiest couple around. But it's never a smooth ride all the time. Infidelity is a thing now in the U.S. with more than 50 percent of the people involving in this act at some point in their lives. But because infidelity is prevalent, it doesn't justify what your partner did to you. You have to find whether there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Not every partner deserves to be forgiven but not all of them should be shamed and left. Your case is probably not indifferent to others. So whatever you read below, make sure you put it to the most appropriate use. If there’s an incentive to save your marriage, you shouldn’t hold back then. A lot of people spy on their cheating spouse to find out the truth. You can’t blame them. In fact, there are people who also look into the possibility of downloading a monitoring software on their partner’s phone when nothing else works for them.
How much does forgiveness mean to you?
While forgiving him, don’t get fooled by emotions or your vulnerability. If you are going through a troubled relationship, be reasonable, as this could be the most important decision of your life. Set aside your emotions for some time. Try to think rationally. It’s tough but you have to look at all the pros and cons of forgiving.
“I can’t spend a day without looking at him, how will I be able to live forever?”
“What about those promises to live together?”
"He's my everything; what will I do without him?"
Your heart will get in the way of your rational thinking and it may ask your questions like aforementioned or something even more heartbreaking. Stay strong and tell yourself that you will make the decision that’s in your best interest.
Forgiving him could actually help you.
Some believe that forgiving is a step towards rebuilding a relationship. Cheating wrecks havoc on a person’s ability to trust but forgiving helps regain it. Letting your partner’s infidelity to affect your personality is the last thing you would want. And don’t forgive his cheating while keeping a resentment about it. This will take you nowhere and could be mentally exhausting. Letting go the resentment is essential as your mind a limited real estate where there should be no place for hate in there.
Does he deserve a second chance?
It’s a million-dollar question that isn’t easy figuring out. You just can’t simply believe what they promise to you afterward. They have broken your trust and promises once and they could do it again, and again. And that’s why you have to be certain whether he deserves that forgiveness and second chance. Danine Manette, a renowned infidelity expert, suggests considering the following questions:
• Is this his first incident of cheating? If not, you can’t just give him a second chance without preparations. To spy on cheating spouse could be a reasonable way to know that. But how can you do that? Read on - you will get to know about it.
• Has he cut all the ties with his affair partner?
• Did he make excuses in the first place or did he completely took the responsibility for his behavior?
• Is he being supportive? Does it seem like he wants to heal the relationship?
• Where did the affair take place? Was it your bed or someplace else?
Understanding the scope of cheating
Relationship coach Chris Armstrong believes that it’s important to understand the intensity of the cheating. Was it just the pictures, texts, a kiss or sex? How long did he hide it from you? How often did it happen, i.e. the infidelity?
The questions to these answers are not easy to take out from him. But you can work out a plan and be more stringent about his actions. But because it’s so tough to find that out, more and more people spy on cheating spouse by downloading monitoring software on their phones. There’s even an app called xnspy.com that secretively monitors phone activity. If your partner continues cheating, there’s a very big possibility that you can find a proof of that on their phone. Doing so can also get you the answer whether it’s you or them responsible for their behavior.
Should you stay?
If you feel that you are too weak to take on the pressure of infidelity, cut your losses. It’s in your best interest then. Also, it’s important that the cheater knows that you might never forgive them. But if you believe that you can let go of the bad feelings, there’s no reason to make yourself suffer.
How to actually forgive your partner?
You might tell yourself that you have forgiven him or maybe you can’t forgive him even when you want to, it’s essential to seek professional couple counseling. Therapy can rebuild your relationship and can help you gain skills necessary for a successful relationship. Other clinically-proven methods include limiting any talk about the affair.
Forgive if you can; you will feel free. Forgive him even when you don’t want to stay together.