For reasons that I really don’t understand, there is a real stigma associated with talking honestly with your partner about sex, and what works for you and what doesn’t.
But why is this? As I’ve said before, sex in a healthy relationship is a wonderful thing, and most men would really feel great if they knew they were truly pleasing their wives. And frankly, if they are not interested in pleasing you, then you have a problem. Because we all know there are some guys out there who are all about “me me me.”
But truly, there is nothing shameful about talking about sex. So why is it so hard to talk about it?
I think it’s because ever since we were little girls, the topic of sex has been suppressed for us—it’s like this giant taboo to even mention it. But sex is not taboo—it’s part of being human. And sometimes, we have to ask for what we want. And that’s okay!
Here’s something else that I know: millions and millions of women are dealing with diminished sex drives. As we get older, our hormone levels decrease, and our libidos go down, and then our sex drives fall too.
Actually, even if our hormonal levels are right where they should be, we still might not feel like having sex. Between working, and taking care of kids, and doing the dishes and the grocery shopping and paying the bills and helping with homework, it’s no wonder that most of us are just too exhausted to have sex that often.
I would just love it if more women would go to their husbands and say something like “Look—do you know what the best foreplay in the world would be? For you to do the dishes and put the kids to bed so I can have 30 minutes to myself. Then I’ll be ready to have some fun with you in bed.”
And then, once we are in bed, it would be great to say “hey honey, this is what I’d really love for you to do.”
And if we just keep on feeling like we don’t want to have sex, it would be wonderful if we could go to our physicians, and feel comfortable saying “I’m really having problems with my libido—could you please check my hormone levels and give me a complete physical and make sure there isn’t a physical reason for my lack of interest?”
And if our physicians say “I think you are just depressed—here, take this,” that we would say “no, I’m not depressed, and I don’t want to take any medications that have been shown to reduce the sex drive even further.”
Or, if our physicians say “You probably just need to love yourself more and touch yourself more,” then we’ll have the courage to say “Uh no, not so much. That’s not going to help.”
Have you noticed a decrease in libido as you’ve gotten older, or as you’ve gotten busier with children and other commitments? Do you feel comfortable talking with your partner about sex? I can’t wait to read your stories!