Women with eating disorders aren't the only ones who suffer. The struggle becomes a family affair, one that's even more difficult when a woman is on her own. While there are things families shouldn't do and say, there are just as many things they can do to help not only their loved one, but also themselves.
Learning that someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder is never easy. The initial diagnosis may come as a shock, but for some people and their loved ones what comes after the diagnosis can be even harder. Successful treatment of eating disorders is a long and often difficult process. Progress is irregular and setbacks may be many.
"Progress in an eating disorder is measured in years," says Carolyn Costin, MA, MEd, MFCC, director of the Monte Nido Treatment Center in Malibu, CA. "Recovery will take a long time, and you have to prepare yourself for that."
It is important that affected women and their families do not give up hope. Bulimics and anorexics who want to get better can recover.
"Recovery is attainable, but it's a matter of being patient and allowing that recovery process to happen," says Julie Clark-Sly, PhD, co-clinical director at the Center for Change in Orem, UT.
Understandably, though, there will be times when your patience is tested, like when you watch your loved one engaging in destructive behaviors, or when everything you say or do triggers a defensive response.
So what can you do?
Perhaps the first step in helping your loved one recover is educating yourself about eating disorders. People often assume that eating disorders are about food and weight, but that's not true.
"Eating disorders are about underlying issues," says Julie DeLettre Holland, MS, an Atlanta-based certified eating disorder specialist and director of outpatient professional development with the Renfrew Center.
To deal with those issues, hopefully you've encouraged your loved one to seek professional counseling. If her health is in jeopardy, you may have forced her into counseling. Consider asking her therapist to set up educational sessions for your family. The therapist may also suggest family counseling. In almost all cases, a medical consultant, either a generalist physician or a psychiatrist, will also need to be involved.
As you read books or attend educational meetings or family support groups, don't let the eating disorder consume you.
"You have to take a break from the problem, especially if your loved one lives at home," Clark-Sly says.
Guilt may eventually catch up with you, as it does for many families. How could you have let her suffer with this eating disorder for so long? How could you have prevented it? What did you do to contribute to it?
Experts say you shouldn't blame yourself.
"There's no single cause for an eating disorder," Clark-Sly says. "You have not created the disorder."
Every family makes mistakes, she adds. And certainly, if you're doing things that are contributing to the problem, such as being abusive, then you need to correct those things.
But you can't blame yourself for what you have—or haven't—done.
"If you're focusing on that," Holland says, "then you won't be able to move forward and learn how to help."
Costin encourages families to stay solution-oriented.
"You can have all the insight about why someone needs to control her food intake," she says, "but that won't change anything."
The best thing that you can do is provide support. "She needs the family to be a steady, stable force of love and support," Clark-Sly says. Yet there are actions you can take to make things easier for you and your loved one:
RESOURCES:
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
http://www.anad.org/
National Eating Disorders Association
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
CANADIAN RESOURCES:
Canadian Mental Health Association
http://www.ontario.cmha.ca/
Canadian Psychiatric Association
http://www.cpa-apc.org/
References:
Eating disorders. National Instistute of Mental Health website. Available at: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/eating-disorders/complete-index.shtml. Updated May 29, 2009. Accessed June 9, 2009.
Last reviewed May 2009 by Theodor B. Rais MD
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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