My husband and I have two small children, and are adjusting to life with a new baby while searching for the elusive work-family/togetherness-independence “life balance".
We truly have a fun and engaging relationship. The best way I can describe it: we kind of "get a kick" out of each other. We enjoy talking about many things, including our children, family, friends, current events, TV shows...even our relationship (!).
However, an aspect of our relationship is in bad shape: My husband is allergic to any scheduling or planning.
My husband's planning aversion is frustrating, as we can talk for hours about Project Runway (oops, I was supposed to keep that a secret!), but I can not get a simple "yes" or "no" about dinner plans.
His lack of response to my scheduling questions have become something I plan on (pun intended), and when I receive the expected no response, I do what any spouse would do. I call him and leave a voicemail. No response. I email him, but he is even more hypersensitive to email. No response. I set up a shared online calendar, and it worked for a few months. However, the key is: he actually has to open the website and look at it. In advance. Another planning thing.
The Day It All Changed
One day, my husband showed me Twitter. On the computer screen was a website that displays a constant stream of messages instantly popping up and being replaced by newer messages. It seemed to be serious information-overload, or at least overstimulating and distracting, but, interestingly, he said he LOVES it. He explained that he can glance at a few keywords, if it's interesting he'll click on the link; if not, he just moves to the next tweet...all within seconds.
The best part, he said, is the maximum number of characters: 140. He said he does not have to read his stress-inducing, overflowing email inbox that he feels is invasive and soul-destroying. He chooses when and what to read, and knows it is concise and to the point. He thinks 99 percent of the messages in his email inbox could be conveyed in 140 characters or less.
So, we set up an account for myself, and he showed me that I could send direct messages to only him that are not publicly displayed. He hinted that this would be a great way for us to communicate with each other quickly and efficiently....
I finally understood what he was saying.
My husband was sharing a very intimate, private part of himself with me: his preferred mode of communication!
The next time I needed a quick reply from him, I sent him a direct message tweet: "can you call phone company re: your cell? call Sue at 1-800-555-5555 by 5pm today, puh-lease. love ya!" (103 characters, in case you were curious!).
A extraordinary thing happened next. A response. An immediate response: "yes". Then an hour later, another response: "called Sue, prob. with new number resolved".
WOW! Did we actually just get something done in a quick manner, communicate effectively and efficiently, and I could mark the item off my "to do" list without having to remind myself to remind him! The bonus: we could focus on other fun topics to discuss together, and not have his guilt-for-not-answering-me and my frustration-with-no-response muddle our enjoyable evening together with our boys.
I would never have imagined that with simple technology and 140 characters or less, our relationship could improve... 140-fold.
Have you had any similar experience, or communication "epiphany" with your significant other?