Before You Say 'I Do' Here Are 7 Things You Should Reveal

By mariasmith76 HERWriter Blogger

Rate This

Text Size

Before You Say 'I Do': 7 Things You Should Reveal

George Dolgikh/PhotoSpin

“Love is blind” is a popular saying for a reason. It’s popular because it’s true. Love can blind us from seeing glaring mistakes and missteps that we otherwise could have seen clearly.

Love in a relationship is important, of course, but it isn't the only essential ingredient. And it can’t make up for a lack of compatibility in the partners down the line. Before you get married, there are several key factors you must discuss to give yourselves the best chance of a happily ever after.

Here are seven things you should reveal to your fiancé before you say “I do”:

1) I want children.

Or, I don’t want children at all. There isn't a compromise when one person wants children and the other doesn't.

If children are important to you, reveal that early on to save yourself time and heartache later. Also, talking about parenting styles and discipline ideas before a child is even conceived can help ease any tensions when a baby does enter the picture.

2) I have debt.

Money is one of the things couples tend to argue about a lot. Don’t go into a marriage with unresolved money issues hanging in the balance. Communicate openly and honestly about whatever situation you are in, and trust that your partner can handle it. Also talk about your plan for paying it off.

3) I want to participate fully in .

If your partner is a different religion or no religion at all, it is important for that person to know that you intend to follow your own path. Make sure you talk about how your faith will affect your lifestyle and if any children you have will be immersed in it as well.

4) I’m career-driven.

If your goal is a corner office in a downtown high-rise, make sure your partner understands that goal and what it will take to get you there. Likewise, if you want to give up your income and career aspirations as soon as there is a bun in the oven, communicate that as well.

Talking through these choices, even if they might change, can help both partners prepare themselves for the future.

5) I don’t ever want to move.

Location is key in everything you do. If you are set on living near your parents or the beach or in the very house you live in right now, make sure you partner understands your wish and is not assuming something different.

You may need to be flexible at times during your marriage, but it always helps to have a clear wish list at the beginning.

6) I want separate checking accounts.

Communicating about your money plan in the future is important because two people may have very different thoughts on the matter. If you are adamant about separate accounts or about making everything joint, let your partner understand your desires as well as how you came to that decision.

Discussing your spending style, and how it is similar to or different from your partner’s style, is important as well.

7) I don’t want to change my name.

For many people, it is not just assumed anymore that a woman will take her husband’s last name. She could want to hyphenate it, keep her own last name, or even want to create a new last name that both people will change to.

These are all things the other partner may feel strongly about one way or another, so it should be discussed openly before tying the knot.

Communicating their goals, dreams and heart-felt desires is something all engaged couples should do. Don’t shy away from hard conversations just because they are hard.

The worst case scenario is that your engagement won’t last. But a broken engagement is a lot easier to deal with than a divorce. And most likely, if this is the guy or girl for you, they will understand your revelations and perhaps even have already suspected them.

Sources:

HuffingtonPost.com. Web. 31 July 2014. “15 things every couple must discuss before getting married.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wendy-atterberry/15-things-every-couple-mu_b_5638629.html

Glamour.com. Web. December 2013. “What you should know before getting engaged.”
http://www.glamour.com/weddings/2013/12/marriage-advice-what-you-should-know-before-getting-engaged/1

Reviewed February 19, 2015
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

Add a CommentComments

There are no comments yet. Be the first one and get the conversation started!

Empowered

mariasmith76 HERWriter Blogger View Profile Send Message

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.