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There are many couples who are content in a sexless relationship. What’s a sexless relationship? It’s considered to be sexless when the couple has sex less than 10 times a year. These couples come from all walks of life – many are older people, some are younger but happy in a partnership that may be romantic, but not of a sexual nature. This is normal if it’s a relationship where both partners are happy, both know the score (or lack of!) and have a harmonious, long lasting connection.
However, many more are unhappy in a sexless relationship and find themselves feeling lonely, unloved and even humiliated. They are constantly turned down by their partners and are left to feel lonely and resentful – not to mention the embarrassment of always being told "no".
There are dozens of reasons why this can happen. Much of it has to do with hormones, stress, illness, addiction or the fact that the attraction of one person to another has gone.
Men and women go through vast hormonal changes through life. Both have strong levels during their teens and right through their 20s and 30s. Once in their 40s and up, they may find their desire dwindling. Pregnancy and birth, as well as the post-natal period can make any woman (of any age) desire sex far less than they desire sleep and rest. Menopause can also cause a drastic change in sexual desire for women and in their 40s, men may see their testosterone levels decrease. Consulting a health care provider can help get one’s sex drive back on track. Therapy and homeopathic methods can also be of enormous help. Click here for more information: https://www.empowher.com/condition/menopause and https://www.empowher.com/female-sexual-dysfunction/content/low-libido-advocacy-sheet
Stress, depression and bad health contribute to a sexless life and medications may also have a negative impact. Many people find that as their health improves, so does their sex drive. Patience and understanding for this person is imperative. Counseling and possible medication can help as well as many natural methods. More can be read here: https://www.empowher.com/condition/depression
Addiction is also a factor in sexless relationships. People who are obsessed with anything from drugs, alcohol, pornography, exercise, work or gambling can see the decline of personal relationships and anything to do with intimacy. Unless an addict realizes they have a problem and gets help, they may find themselves with a frustrated partner who is left to pick up the pieces of an addict's life. An addiction or obsession with porn can turn a formerly sexually healthy relationship into a devastated one. More can be read about that here: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-does-my-boyfriend-watch-porn-instead-having-sex-me
One of EmpowHER’s most frequent relationship questions is from women with male partners who refuse to have sex with them. To read about their experiences and hundreds of posts with advice, click here: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore
One more thing in a sexless relationship is that the sexual part may be over, in the opinion of one of the partners. In other words, “he’s just not that into you (anymore)”. There is not a lot we can do about that if the sexual spark has been depleted. But instead of making excuses, the non-interested partner needs to remove him or herself from the relationship in lieu of cheating or finding sexual satisfaction in another way. Everyone deserves a healthy sex life is that is their desire, and there are many ways to go about achieving one. Admitting there is a problem, getting help and being honest with our partners (even if they won’t like what we have to say) is the first step in making an unhappy sexless relationship a thing of the past.
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