Improving Love Life Naturally

great information!!

Hi sue,

I am so sorry to hear about this. Let's see if we can help! I am not a sex therapist, and we will see if we can find an expert to answer your question.

My first thoughts for you:
- Communication is lacking in regards to your husband's health, from his choice. If we take out the sexual dysfunction, libido, viagra...anything sexual... out of the equation for a moment...what is left? Is the communication between the two of you at a standstill in other areas as well? Is the trust between you two also at a standstill, beyond these issues? If so, would he be open to working on other areas of the relationship with you?

- I'm wondering what the diagnosis/cause of his penile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are, and how long ago he was diagnosed. Is he just so tired of this subject, that he would rather focus on other areas of his life with you? Can you find other ways to enjoy intimacy with him, while he works through this?

How long have you two been married?

Again, I am so sorry you are frustrated. I am not sure what advise you are looking for with "this process" or something you can do alone, as this sounds like a health condition that needs further attention. I am not sure how long your husband has been dealing with this, but are you able to give him some more time? Are you able to have your physical needs met in other ways (physical intimacy with your husband can include many things beyond intercourse, masturbation, "dirty talk", etc)...but these all take good communication and trust between the two of you, which sounds like is not at its strongest right now.

Have you asked him what he needs from you? If he says to back off and not talk about it, are you able to do that for a period of time, and focus on other areas of your relationship? (of course, if you have already done this, please let us know!).

Lastly, what major emotional issues do you think your husband is dealing with? This may be the most important part...the other sexual aspects of the relationship may never be resolved until he can openly discuss and treat his emotional issues. He may feel overburdened with this problem, shameful, frustrated, and needs some time to come to peace with his physical limitations for now, to work on the emotional ones. There are several stages of grief, which also help us understand the stages of being diagnosed with a health condition: he may still be in denial, anger or depression. He may not have yet reached a place where he can accept his diagnoses, and move on to the action phase of seeking appropriate help.

My husband has suffered from penile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and is not so emotional distraught that he has refused to communicate or get help. He has been prescribed viagra and he has used it several times over the past year and a half (we have had little sexual intercourse over this period of time). When he takes it his skin gets warm and is erection last for 5 minutes which is sometime not long enough but I will take what I can. The last couple times his skin was not warm and he did not get an erection enough to have intercourse. I asked him if he took and and he will not answer my question straight up. He makes excuses. I believe he is not taking it. As of last week he informed me that he does not want to communicate at all about the subject and does not want to see a urologist after promising me he would. I believe there are major emotional issues that I can not do much about at this time. Unfortunately my sex drive is at its peek. My first marriage was 17 years and it was sexless. So I had high expectations in this relationship which adds to the problem. I am beside myself and find it extremely hard to concentrate. I have also been fantizing and thinking about having an affair to get my physical needs met. I do not want to risk destroying the marriage. Do you have any advise for me on how to involve him in this process or is there something I can do alone?