As a follow-up to my previous article on picking the vibrator that is best for you, I thought it was logical to continue with information on using the vibrator once it is in your possession. This list is meant to alleviate any anxiety you may feel at introducing batteries to your sex life, walking you through any hesitance and assuring you that you aren’t alone in whatever sensation – whether elation, embarrassment or something else completely – you may encounter. Furthermore, vibrators can be used both as a self-pleasure tool and to enhance your sexual relations with a partner. Thus, I have divided this list into two sections, with the first six tips pertaining to solo-usage and the last two aimed at the shared experience. Enjoy! And please submit your own tips for beginners below too! (I know some of you out there are experts.)
1. Set the mood.
Ensure that you have some privacy and time. Find yourself a comfortable space free of people, technology, or things that might interrupt. Indulge in the little things that generally get you “in the mood”; music, dim lights, porn, chocolate – whatever you need to begin feeling sexy and safe.
2. Begin manually.
Warm up your erogenous zones with your own fingers. Not only will this smooth your transition to the more intense buzzing of a vibrator, but it will also re-familiarize you with your personal anatomy. Pinpoint your clitoris, map out your vulval lips, explore your vagina – re-discover what feels good.
3. Do a vibrator test-run.
Before allowing contact between your sensitive areas and your toy, run your vibrator through its paces. If it has multiple speeds/settings, allow it to rest on each level for a few seconds, familiarizing yourself with the different feels and sounds they each inspire, perhaps allowing the vibrator to buzz against your hand as a first step.
4. Establish preliminary contact.
On the lowest speed, slowly allow your vibrator to head towards more responsive anatomical ground, whether it is your inner thighs or your vaginal lips. Get comfortable with this feeling before gently guiding the toy to explore different areas. Again, spend time locating your clitoris, tracing the steps your fingers made earlier and noting the differences and similarities in sensations triggered by a toy verses your skin.
5. Work towards clitoral orgasm.
If you are comfortable resting here (which I certainly endorse) and continuing external exploration of your erogenous zones, this step could be your last. Experiment with changing the setting/speed of your toy while applying varying pressures to your clitoris and allowing arousal to build. Remember to relax, breathe and relish in the sensations and power of your body.
6. Introduce internal vibrations.
Otherwise, you can allow the vibrator to slip inside your vagina, simulating sexual intercourse (but with a buzz). Return to your vibrator’s lowest setting and insert the tip into your vagina slowly, never pushing so far that you feel uncomfortable or lose your grip on the toy. Experiment by moving the vibrator in and out, locate your G-spot, and don’t forget about your clitoris in the meanwhile! Take the time you need to stimulate all of your erogenous zones, build arousal and test what feels best to you. (See previous article on health benefits of masturbation if you need convincing that this activity is worth your time and effort.)
With a Partner:
(Note: Before introducing a toy into your shared sex life, make sure you are both at ease with the option. Connection, consent and comfort of each partner is crucial to a sexy time.)
7. Think foreplay
Just as you need to experiment with the different settings and features of your vibrator on your own, your partner will want/need to do the same. Allow him/her to test out the different settings, on a less sensitive body part before jumping straight to your sexual organs. Once you are both familiar with the different sensations your toy can create, urge him/her to slowly and carefully explore more erogenous zones. This is a fantastic exercise in communication, as you will need to let your partner know what feels good/better/best. Treat this initial use as an adventure! Remember that practice makes perfect.
8. During penetration.
A vibrator can also help create the multi-faceted pleasure many women crave, allowing for both clitoral and vaginal orgasms. During penetration, press the vibrator against your clitoris while your partner continues his/her thrusting motion. Or switch things up and insert the vibrator inside your vagina while your partner provides manual or oral stimulation to the clitoris. Be creative! Enjoy, communicate and experiment. Report back!