Every woman wants one; but for many of us, they’re really hard to come by. The elusive orgasm remains a mystery to many women. Hollywood has taught us to believe the orgasm is a natural conclusion to sex. Not only should we orgasm every time, but orgasms must occur simultaneously with your partner.

This isn’t realistic.

As women, we need to know this. Orgasming at the same time as your partner just doesn’t happen often. Furthermore, orgasms don’t happen every time. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your body. The orgasm is a process that begins in the brain.

When we are aroused, are brains interpret this by quickening breathing and heart rate. As a result, muscles all over the body tighten and blood fills the pelvic area, specifically, the clitoris. This blood is responsible for the warm pleasurable feeling present during arousal. Things are literally “just getting warmed up.” Another response to the rush of blood: vaginal secretions. At the same time, the vagina lengthens and widens.

As arousal continues and builds all these responses become more pronounced until they reach “climax.” The blood that has been building is released and strong muscle contractions follow. This is the moment of orgasm.

Sounds simple right? But as we all know, it isn’t. So much more goes into the making of an orgasm than physical touch; for instance, romance. Feeling desired and loved ups the chances of mutual satisfaction in the bedroom.

Even with romance and arousal, an orgasm may not occur. So what can you do? Know yourself; know your body and what you need from your partner. Knowing what you need to enjoy sex and knowing how to convey that to your partner is empowering and will eventually lead to that longed for conclusion. I'm sure we can all agree confidence and knowledge are sexy.