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Psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote our basic human needs include oxygen, food, water, clothing and shelter and sex.
But what if you are just not that into sex? Is that normal? Guess what, not everyone is ruled by their loins. Many people consider themselves asexual. An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation. Asexuals say it’s something you are born as.
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships. They just experience things like attraction and arousal somewhat differently.
Many asexuals have a sex drive, and many of them masturbate. But what makes them different is their libido is not connected to sexual attraction. Having a sex drive does not translate into wanting sex. They still feel sexual arousal, but they don’t have the desire to act upon it.
More than 50 years ago, pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey seemed to be aware of asexuality. He devised a scale to rate sexual orientation. Subjects ranged from a score of 0 (completely homosexual) to 6 (completely heterosexual). But he labeled 1.5 percent of adult males as “X.” They were neither homosexual nor heterosexual, nor anything in between. They were simply uninterested in sex.
It might be easy to dismiss asexuals as frigid or afraid of sex. Asexuals are often told they are repressed or psychologically damaged; that they are suppressing abuse and something is wrong with them. There is no evidence to support that. It just a way of life in which many people can’t relate. With sex being arguably the world’s favorite pastime, asexuals face an uphill struggle for recognition and acceptance. There’s even an online community called the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
It is a testament to how sexualized our society is that we find it perfectly acceptable for people to have peculiar sexual predilections. Yet, in a world where many suffer, fight and die for sex, most people can't fathom someone having no actual interest in it. Many instinctively feel there must be some sort of mental or physical problem, something that can be cured. Asexuality is not a dysfunction. There isn’t a pill to fix it.
It is possible to be happy and healthy and not experience physical desire. So yes, asexuality is normal. It’s just not something a lot of people understand.
Stacy Lloyd is a writer and video producer in Phoenix, Arizona. A former television news journalist, she covered stories around the world. Currently, she produces corporate and non-profit videos and broadcast programming.
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