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There comes a time in every woman’s life where she has to sit herself down and ask: boyfriend or sex toy? Let’s face it, there just isn’t time enough for both of them.
I was thrashing around with this internal debate when an email popped into view inviting me to a sex toy party that night. A hundred new B.O.B.‘s (Battery Operated Boyfriends) at the drop of a credit card, I thought to myself. Count me in. And my girlfriend, Emma, too. There’s no way I’m going alone.
So there we were later, that night. Emma and I standing side by side, staring at a blue front door. “Ready for the AA life?“ I said glancing over at Emma, my hand ready to knock.
Emma rolled her big blue eyes. “Let’s get this over with,“ she said. “Now, you sure this is an all-girls thing?“ She flicked her blonde bangs out of her face.
I was about to answer, “of course,“ when the door opened. A man with salt-and-pepper hair greeted us with smiling open arms.
“Hi-hi-hi,“ I stammered. “We’re here for the sex toy party?“
“Yes! Welcome! Come in!“ he said enthusiastically waving his hand to follow inside.
Emma glowered at me behind his back as we walked into the foyer. “I guess it’s coed,“ I whispered apologetically. “I didn’t actually read the invite.“
We were led into a cozy living room where eight couples sat nestled together, all huggy and giggly. All eyes turned to us, the only single women there. I felt like a stripper working the collection basket at Sunday Mass. I didn’t dare look at Emma.
“We’re just finishing up with the gels and creams,” said a tall woman in baggy clothes indicating to take our seats. She was standing in the middle of the circle of couples, an edible sex candle in her hand. “Toys are next,” she called out.
I nudged Emma. “She meant, boys are next,“ I said with a naughty laugh.
Emma gave me a dirty look. “Get me out of here now and I’ll eat an eight volt and be your rabbit forever.“
“Ah, Em, have some fun,“ I said. “Give it ten minutes.“ She wasn’t convinced.
The tall woman approached us. “Would you like to try some menthol clitoral stimulating cream?“ she chirped dropping a dollop on Emma’s open palm. “You can apply it in the bathroom, just around the corner.“
Emma stared, speechless, eyes unblinking. “Of course she’ll try some,“ I jumped in. “Em, give it a whirl. If the stuff delivers an explosive orgasm, I just might buy some.“
“You are out of your mind,“ said Emma as she escaped towards the bathroom.
Emma returned a few minutes later. I had stuffed some chocolates in my mouth.“Well?“ I mumbled, my mouth full.
“I’d have more fun rubbing a peppermint patty down there.“ Emma deadpanned. “Can we please go?“
“In a minute,“ I said laughing. “I can't decide on ‘Glow Boy,‘ ‘Chocolate Thriller,‘ ‘G-Whiz,‘ or ‘Wavy Wiggles.‘" I shook my seriously as though deciding whether to adopt a baby. "Maybe I should get them all?" I added. "The catalog says orgasms increase the youth-promoting hormone, DHEA, making this a health purchase.“
“Oh, sorry,“ smirked Emma. “I thought you were making a boyfriend purchase.“
Sadly I have to report that I couldn’t decide on which B.O.B. to go home with. Emma cramped my style. I’m stuck with my R.O.B. (Real Oversized Boyfriend). But I haven’t given up. I’m taking the search online. Heard about any sex toy sites you might pass on to a curious gal?
© 2008 ZANTIUM LLC
BIO:
Everyone knows you only talk about sex in secret. Everyone but me that is. I’m Pamela Tames and you can hear more about my take on sex and the older woman at http://seasonsex.com.
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