Raine Powers

I am currently twenty years old. I went through the first ten years of life basically thinking my mother was god, and living with my Dad. My mother and father loved each other very much, but they went through a very nasty divorce when I was about one.
My mother always tried to turn me against my father. When I was ten, she succeeded. At ten years old I destroyed my father, by accusing him of...things a father should never do. He never did anything to me. While he never did, I am certain something happened with another person.
As soon as I moved in with my Mom, she turned. One thing I am still afraid of is when she is angry. She is a little...mean, don't get me wrong, she was a great mom. It's just she really hated me. And rightfully so. So I went through the next eight years with a heavy guilt. I tried and nearly succeeded in killing myself several times. I also went to a Juvenile detetion center on three different occasions, each time was for attacking my mother. I plead guilty to assault four each time as well. Every time I attacked her was for her badmouthing my dad.
When I was twelve I tried replacing my father with my new step-father. Although he is a good man, it did not work. At about 16 I was diagnosed with OCD and Bipolar disorder. It is my firm belief, that my mother is also bipolar because she is one minute loving and caring and the next irrational and crazy.
I went from about 13 or fourteen to about 19 with a problem with self mutilation. Bur it slowed down a lot when I was about 18, because I was able to reestablish a relationship with my Dad. Now I am trying to keep both families happy and it is not easy.
As of now I am 20. I live with my grandparents, and I am trying to get into the local college. My father has also started teaching me how to drive. I feel like I was forced to grow up during the time I was with my mother, as I did most of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my brother. I know I am stunted emotionally, as I don't know how to act with people, and have no friends. I have grown the last two years, but I am afraid of not being able to be more responsible.