They say clothes make a man but what do they do for a woman? Does dressing sexy really make you sexy? I was thinking about this the other weekend when I was getting ready to do the unthinkable -- leave the house. These days I’d been staying close to the TV, spending time with Netflix. So, when I got a call from a few friends who wanted to shoot pool, I figured, why not? The girls (“Saving Grace” and “The Closer”) can wait.
We met around 9PM at a busy billiard hall in the college part of town. The place smelled of rancid beer mixed with synthetic carpet and was already crowded. The only available pool table was beside two scantily dressed women in their thirties. I think they were playing pool. An entourage of guys hovered around gawking at the tall, slim one with long black hair and clothes so tight you could see every muscle twitch.
I confess, I was gawking, too. She was stretched over the pool table, her butt jutting out like a flag, fumbling to get her cue in position. Her friend, a short girl with a beer belly, was yelling pointers over the deafening music.
I walked over to Frank, the intellectual in our group (he had a PhD) and bumped him with my hip. “Hey, Dr Frankie,” I asked tilting my head at the black-haired girl who was now flirting with one of her admirers. “Do you think that’s sexy?”
He glanced her way. “Very hot,” he said without hesitation. Frank was married with teenagers. I couldn’t believe he’d find her attractive.
“What’s your problem?” said Frank as I shook my head disapprovingly. “Jealous?”
“Of that?” I squealed. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Frank bent over to line up his shot. I turned to Bill, a swarthy looking attorney in his early forties who considered himself an expert on women.
“Bill?” I said leaning into his ear. “Would you date her?” I pointed in her direction. Bill turned and scrutinized her.
“Not only would I not date her,” he said after a pause. “I wouldn’t touch her with an 8 inch pole, if you know what I mean.”
“Frank said he’d use a 5 inch pole, if you know what I mean,” I said.
Bill laughed. “What does Frank know about sexy? He’s a Dad.” He thumped his chest authoritatively. “Trust me, girls like that don’t know jack about sex. She’s got all the signs.”
“Signs?” I said curiously.
Bill looked at me. “Okay, first sign. She’s dressed like a stripper because the show is all she’s got. If she really felt sexy, she wouldn’t have to go around screaming it to the world.” I nodded my head in agreement. “Second sign,” Bill went on, “She’s got a chubby friend. Means she’s insecure. Can’t handle competition.”
“Wow, that makes a lot of sense,” I said my eyes wide.
“I think about this stuff,” he said watching Frank sink a ball. “I’m single.”
I rubbed my forehead perplexed. “But if it’s not the clothes, what makes a woman sexy?”
Bill held up his finger signaling me to wait. He took a shot and sunk the ‘8’ ball.
“Nice,” I said.
“Thanks, I’m good.” said Bill pulling out a stool. “Here’s my theory about sexy,” he continued. “Sexiness is like the tip of an iceberg. Which means it depends on what’s below the water.”
I wasn’t following. Icebergs and sexiness just weren’t going together for me.
Bill smiled. “Look, this is easy. If a woman is real, you know, authentic, and feels good in her own skin, confident–“
“You’re talking about the iceberg part?” I clarified.
“Exactly.”
“So if that all is there,” I said slowly, “The tip of the iceberg is automatically going to be sexy?”
“Pretty much,” said Bill. “So long as she’s not faking it.”
Veronica yelled at me to stop yakking and shoot. I sidled up to the pool table a million questions running through my mind. Is the secret to sexy really as simple as loving yourself just as you are? And if it’s true for women, wouldn’t it be the same for men? I decided this was too important to take just Bill’s word on. I’d put it to test. But how? If you have any thoughts about how you’d test this idea, please send your thoughts to me through the ASK section at www.empowher.com/ask.
© 2008 ZANTIUM LLC
More About Pamela Tames:
Everyone knows you only talk about sex in secret. Everyone but me that is. I’m Pamela Tames and you can hear more about my take on sex and the older woman at www.ridethepinkelephant.com. Who’s doing it, how they’re doing it, and what keeps them doing it. Now, for those all thinking, ‘that’s got to be one short website,’ let me respectfully say, ‘oh, so wrong.’
See for yourself at www.ridethepinkelephant.com. But please, don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.