It took a lot of years for me to come to terms with my enormous need for rest and regeneration.
I saw it as defeat, crawling into my bed in the middle of the day and going to sleep. I saw it as letting the enemy win, and I resisted this need for a long time. Only when I could no longer think straight, when my neurological symptoms became so severe that I couldn't function, only then would I curl into a ball in a quiet room and sleep. I did this for years.
But though I can be as stubborn as a mule and as thick as a post, I eventually came to see sleep and rest as my allies.
I recognized the pushing and crashing pattern that I'd fallen into, and resolved to change it. I'd read about something called the 50 % Solution, which promised me that if I were to make a habit of only doing half of what I was capable of, every day, my body could use the rest of that energy to help restore me.
This worked pretty well. It meant going to bed during the day, usually to sleep, even on days when I felt good. I felt like a preschooler being put down for a nap and I resented it, but I had to admit that over weeks and then months, there was a big improvement in how I felt and functioned.
Having CFS, I found it frightening to give in and go to bed. Expending energy was somehow reassuring, it was a way of saying to myself, "See? I can do things." But this would just wear out my weak battery all the more. Re-charging, I have learned, is the better way to go.
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