I received a last-minute call from an old friend Deborah, or as I call her, Debbie, saying she was going to drive down last minute to stay with her friend in Phoenix and wanted to see me. Debbie was like a second mother to me. I spent a great deal of time over the years with her taking dance classes and eventually becoming friends with her sons. Megan is still really good friends with her son and sees him when he comes back to SLC for the holidays.
Day 1: Saturday, June 6, 2009
Today I met Melissa’s brother-in-law Steve and friend Erica. We talked and shared stories about Melissa all day until about 4 p.m. Melissa was so gracious; even on the pain medication she was trying to keep her eyes open as it worked. She had a surgery yesterday to remove fluid from her lungs. She did not throw me out as I think that I would do in her condition. Melissa is so matter-of-fact that she just allows everyone to be themselves without judgment (reminds me of Mary, her Mom).
Steve remained so dedicated at her side from early morning to midnight researching, along with Melissa, the Internet for new cancer medications and treatment. He is the caregiver, and I think that he actually sleeps here (not sure). If you get cancer, it would be nice to have a family like this, so dedicated, organized, bright and intelligent. The support from her friends and family is amazing. This tells me something about Melissa, to have so many willing to do their share: it is obvious that the love for Melissa goes beyond self. Melissa is a world of knowledge; she is constantly teaching you something new when you are around her.
Steve can see she is getting tired, but wants her to eat something, so he walks to the nearest restaurant to get us a pizza. They keep busy with the research; it is a full-time job hoping to find a way for a longer, quality life for Melissa. Doctors and nurses are in and out; lots of interruptions and distractions. It is a wonder that Melissa gets any sleep. She has been here since the end of May.
Day 2: Sunday, June 7, 2009
I get to help blow dry Melissa’s hair (an honor) because I arrived at 10 a.m. Melissa had already showered and was getting ready for the day. Melissa is so beautiful and she takes such pride in the way she looks. She puts lotion on her face, a touch of mascara, eye liner, and is ready for her day as if she is headed to work. Do people appreciate this and understand the she could just curl up in a ball and give up?
Melissa is the definition of class, and there is only one Melisa Waller. Like her mother Mary, there will never be another like her. Melissa Waller is not replaceable, and those that know her know this; even in pain she puts on her lipstick. This needs to be a lesson to all: no excuses! Darling Wes shows up with Melissa’s 8-year-old cat. The cat can talk! Sounds just like a conversation, asking mommy where she has been, with a lecture and a real pouty face. Melissa keeps asking where the baby kitty is, and Wes answers it is Tosh’s turn. They stay for a couple of hours, then Wes takes the cat home. I didn’t know that they let your pets visit; it is a wonderful thing.
Steve and Melissa research all day on the Internet, while at the same time allowing me to ask questions and talk about old times. We call Eric and Sean, my sons (Mel’s childhood friends). Melissa had a short time to talk to Eric, asking questions about where to stay in Laguna Beach or Dana Point, California. Eric lives in L.A. and is excited at the thought of driving down to Laguna to see Melissa and Megan. It has been a long time since they have seen each other.
Melissa got a wild hair and wanted to take her sister Megan on a road trip in a couple of days when she arrives in town from Utah. Melissa wanted relaxation and the smell of the fresh, ocean air. She got busted by Steve making her plans and he gave her a reality check. You are not going to drive six hours across the desert on the bumpy roads with your back the way it is recovering from a surgery! What about doctors? Steve had panic in his voice; they were like siblings quarreling and they bantered back and forth. Mel said well, if I am going to die, I want to enjoy myself instead of just being in the hospital. At the end of the conversation, she knew Steve was right. Steve suggested for her to book a nice hotel in Phoenix close to her doctors for a little time with Megan at the spa and pool. One thing about Melissa: she knows how to live and how to have a great time. She obviously lives each day to the fullest.
A nurse or student nurse came in and took the time to sit down and talk. She was young and curious about the two laptops in the room and the rapid research being accomplished by both Steve and Melissa; it is a sight and contagious. Melissa told the nurse that she was creating a Web site, “Spirited Warrior”. She also talked about her job (seven years at channel 3) and she told the nurse how much fun she had last year and the year before working in the media. Melissa talked about her ambition to become the top sales person there, and how she set goals to win all the sales awards, and she did! She laughed about all the fun and the parties and how she lived life like there was no tomorrow!!! Melissa blurted this out with laughter and the room went silent…
Melissa has created the Spirited Warrior Web site to help others facing cancer. It will give others going through this an outline as to where to begin at the time of cancer diagnosis. Tomorrow will be caregiver Steve’s slat day, and they have much to accomplish, so I realized that I have overstayed. I drove back to my friend Susan Brown's house in New River where I have been staying. Sue made this trip possible for me.
Day 3: Monday, June 8, 2009
I arrived at 4:30 p.m. Steve has already left for the airport, so I missed him and did not get to say goodbye. I will only have an hour and a half to visit before Melissa’s friends arrive. Melissa showed me pictures of all three girls when they were little. Mom (Mary) and dad were so young and the kids were so cute. Kathleen put all the pictures together: Christmas, vacations and birthdays. What a beautiful family. I met the family at least 19 years ago when I was teaching dance in Park City, and it is hard to believe that the time went by so fast. I did not get to spend much time with Melissa today, so I am not sure about all that happened. Melissa is so popular that you are lucky to get any time with her at all. Her friends are already arriving to watch "The Bachelor,” a TV show. They do this every Monday. I left so the traditional party could begin. I am so happy to see all the support.
Day 4: Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I arrived at 4 p.m. to visit and then pick up sister Megan at the airport. I will stay the night with Meg at Melissa’s house and then drive back on Wednesday morning. I will look forward to returning again sometime as a caregiver when Mel is at home. I have learned so much and to be with Melissa is so precious. She asked me to take her outside around 7 p.m. for just a little while, so she could feel the outside air in the courtyard. Then I picked up Megan and we drove back to the hospital to visit, and Wes had dinner waiting. We all had a great time. I love you with all my heart and soul, Melissa.
Link to blog: http://themelissawaller.wordpress.com/2009/06/12/my-visit-with-melissa-by-deborah-wing-meyers/