When I was 12, I was raped by my cousin. Because my family is EXTREMELY close, (and because i was scared) i never told anyone. Im 17 now, and living with this secret is really hurting me. i have nightmares because of it and lately i havent been getting any sleep because i recently moved in with my grandma, and my cousin goes there all the time and I dont feel safe. ive also become very self-conscious of my body and its preventing me from even wanting to be with any guy. The problem is that my family favoritizes, and i am pretty much the black sheep of the family. And my cousin that raped me "does no wrong." If I tell someone, my entire family will be torn apart, because some people might believe me, but most will think i am insane and believe my cousin. Then there will be a huge commotion between the people who believe me and who believe my cousin. eventually my family will never talk to each other again and it will all be my fault for saying anything at all... What should i do? Should i even worry about it at all since it happened almost 6 years ago?
Also, ive always wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, but does being raped technically mean im not a virgin? please help me answer these questions. ive been wanting them to be answered for years now...