Last Thursday night I witnessed a murder. Well, not a real murder, a pretend one—it was a murder mystery party my women’s group was putting on. It was a night titled “Death by Chocolate,” taking place in the fictitious Lady Godiva Spa.
Our hostess, one of our members, transformed her house into a spa for the night. We each brought chocolates to exchange that covered the dining room table our hostess had decorated with a table cloth, tea light candles, and books about chocolate decadence. She had manicure/pedicure items laid out on the bar in the basement, and recipes for mixing amber and vanilla scented salt scrub, and facial toner with disposable plasticware for taking home. Sumptuous treats of beef Carpaccio, and roasted garlic and tomato on crostini with carmelized onion dip were placed strategically around her house for snacking while discerning the who-dunnit.
Why We Do It
After a few weeks of unavoidable stress from being mommy and wife, working at my full-time job, and doing never-ending chores, my women’s group is my one night a month that is a welcome reward of relaxing with “my girls.” I have read articles that assert women who belong to women’s groups experience less overall stress and lead happier, more well-rounded lives. I have noticed that women are the first to discount their own needs. Many tend to martyr themselves and put everyone else in their family and their schedules first.
One member of Wo-Hoo! put it this way, “It is my way of branching out. I have a tendency to close myself into my little world and get into a rut with my routine. Wo-Hoo! gives me something to look forward to, and lots of new experiences I wouldn’t have had without the group.”
In June of 2002, I started a womens group called The Wo-Hoo! Society with some good friends. I was post-divorce, living in Phoenix far from my family back in the Chicago-area, and looking at being laid off from the third job in two years thanks to the dot-com bust. Since September 11th the previous year, I had been feeling especially disconnected and far from home. I longed for people I could count on. I had friends, but craved a deeper connection that I could call on, and rely on in times of trouble. I remembered when I was a child, my Mom used to play bunco with neighborhood women--they still get together to eat out and go to the theater. I had recently read the book, “The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,” by Rebecca Wells and was inspired by the thick-and-thin relationships the women in the book had. I wanted a Necie who would race to my side if I was sick, or a Vivi who would talk me down if I was upset about something. I wanted a Caro to celebrate joys with me. As a woman who historically surrounded myself with men, and always thought I couldn’t relate as well with women, I found I needed women in my life.
This is a Women’s Group?
The month prior, a friend had invited me to attend a new women’s group she had been invited to. The women at that group seemed nice enough, but took to discussing their china patterns and what kind of designer dining room tables they had. I had never placed that much value in material goods—perhaps because I didn’t have the wherewithal to afford such luxuries, but regardless, I was lost in the discussion with a pushed smile plastered on my face. In the week following, the lady who hosted the party called me to extend her gratitude for my attendance and offered that perhaps the group wasn’t right for me. She said she loved my energy, but I needed to ‘grow more’ in my career and maybe in a few years I could return to the group when I was better suited to join in. What that lady didn’t realize is that I am an Aries, and the quickest way to make me spring into action was to tell me I couldn’t do something. I didn't want to be in her group anyway, but the idea for Wo-Hoo! was born from my frustration with the situation and the desire to feel more connected so far from my home.
Starting Over
Since starting the group, I have relocated to the Kansas City area. It was hard to leave “my girls” whom I had come to cherish as good friends and confidants. I knew only my sister and her family in our new home. Moving to the Midwest was great in many ways, although my husband and I found it difficult to make friends. It seemed everyone pretty much grew up here, and had their family and well-established networks of friends already, they didn’t need new friends. We had a hard time breaking in.
So my sister and I started a second chapter of Wo-Hoo! with two of her friends. Now, three years later, we are sending out 21 invitations to members monthly and can expect around 15 ladies at each gathering. We are doctors, nurses, business professionals, small business owners, and stay at home moms. The Phoenix Wo-Hoo! chapter still also meets monthly, and still has 2 of the 5 original members in addition to roughly 10 other members. Our group has gone to the theatre, out to eat, participated in local consignment sales, and donated to a battered women's shelter. We have had accessory and houseware exchanges, cooked meals together, and have had wine tastings.
How it Works
We have a 3-in-3 out policy to measure any new member’s intention to join or leave the group. We went through some growing pains when we were trying to decide what the group should be, and how much structure it needed, but quickly decided to just let it be whatever it came into being. My husband calls it my “Wine Club” although we do more than drink wine. We try and make gatherings balanced so we’re not doing outings every month, or visiting at someone’s house every month. We also try to be choosey when we extend invitations to prospective members. We don’t invite every woman we know, although we have found that women who are not fully-committed or don’t fit in tend to filter themselves out without much exertion on anyone else’s part. It's always something different, always a great time, and we are building positive supportive relationships.
Christine Jeffries is a writer/editor for work and at heart, and lives in a home of testosterone with her husband and two sons. She founded a women’s group, The Wo-Hoo! Society, in the interests of good friends, networking, and philanthropy; the group meets separately on a monthly basis in Phoenix and Kansas City. Christine is interested in women’s health and promoting strong women.