No sex or marriage question is too embarrassing because it’s time to ask EmpowHER’s sexuality expert Dr. Marty Klein anything.
Now here is a woman who posted a question on EmpowHer about her inability to have an orgasm.
“Dr. Klein, I have been married for two years and I never had an orgasm. I really don’t have a sex drive either. What can my husband and I do? We hardly ever have sex. We have a fantastic and healthy relationship, but we do not have a healthy sexual relationship. I need help. We have tried different positions and tasteful items, but still nothing. What can we do?”
Dr. Marty Klein:
Oh, I can imagine how disappointing that is. I would say that the orgasm thing is not the, not the central question here. I would say not having a sex drive is a much bigger question, and of course we want to rule out medical issues first. So I would say go to a really good gynecologist and make sure that your plumbing is okay, make sure that your hormones are okay, make sure that you are in good health, and make sure that you have all the things in your body that a person needs in order to have a healthy sexual interest.
Then I suppose someone would ask, when you think about having sex, what is it about it that you like, or what is it about it that you look forward to? If there isn’t one single thing that you look forward to when you think about sex, it’s easy to understand that you would have no sex drive. Do you look forward to the touching? Do you look forward to the pleasure of seeing his naked body? Do you look forward to the cuddling? Do you look forward to anything?
If you don’t look forward to anything, then having a low sex drive is pretty understandable. I would say that, if you don’t have a sex drive and you practically never have sex at all, professional help would probably be a good idea. Seeing a therapist, seeing a marriage counselor, and you might want to learn a little bit more about your body or about sex if you are not entirely comfortable with that.
So a book like “Ask Me Anything” by Dr. Klein, that would be a good choice; a book, even a book for teenagers about sex like, or for parents of teenagers about sex, that might be helpful – “Beyond the Big Talk” by Deborah Haffner, that might be an interesting book.
And, as far as orgasms go, the most important thing about having an orgasm is feeling relaxed and comfortable. If you don’t feel relaxed and comfortable during sex, it’s not realistic to expect to have orgasms.
So, let go the orgasm thing a little bit, investigate the sex drive a little bit more, and then maybe after you have resolved some of that, write me again at EmpowHer.com, and we’ll talk some more about orgasms. How’s that?