We all have some part of our bodies we'd like to change. I can’t recall how many times I've either looked at myself or listened to someone else discuss the imperfection of their physique; or the opposite, when people are happy with their own bodies and simply, unabashedly cruel in their speech and attitude toward those with obvious challenges.
The feeling that comes over you when you positively, absolutely cannot stand the sight of yourself in the mirror, the numbers on the scale, or the jeans that won’t button can be summed up into one word, "ick."
"Ick" is not just a glimpse of dismay nor even a New Year's resolution. Ick is like a disease, potentially leading to an eating disorder, a smoking habit, or delving even further into unhealthy eating habits in an attempt to get away from the dreaded ick.
People will starve themselves in fear of the ick and they’ll stuff themselves with a dozen cupcakes in fear of it. Yet ick is a fool's reality, like grandiosity or an oasis, it isn't real, its just a manufactured sense of doom, dread, depression, despair and anguish all rolled up into one big butter cookie that feels like its permanently plastered to your thigh.
The problem is, ick can be a motivator but then it's GOT to go. If you use your ick wisely, you can jump start a healthy eating plan or an exercise routine, but then you've got to grab ick by the lapels and throw it out onto the street because ick is so confoundingly dark it will sabotage your best intentions.
Let it go. By reclaiming your deep love of yourself (yes, including your body, thank you very much) you will be able to meet your goals in a healthier way and actually empower yourself to enjoy your life and your state of mind while doing so.
You can want to lose five, ten, thirty or fifty pounds and not hate yourself and everything about getting dressed every single day, yes you really can! You can, in fact, be so full of appreciation of your own struggles, lack of time for yourself, busy schedule, and stress that you forgive yourself for using food to feel good here and there, and forgive yourself, too, for being tired, exhausted and sometimes unmotivated to work out. Then let it all go and decide what your next step should be. Ick is boring, too, leaving you angry and even less likely to want to change.
That being said, here are my top ten ways of kicking ick to the curb:
1 - Close your eyes and envision yourself as a twin. The other one of you is the safest, calmest, most understanding person who has ever lived, and understands you better than anyone ever could or will. Sit down with her, tell her all of your troubles, everything you can't tell anyone else. Imagine yourself hugging her and being hugged by her. Know and feel that she completely accepts every single bit of you, your past, your present, your future, your weight, your hair, your thoughts and feelings.
2 - Spend twenty minutes every day thinking about everything you'd do if you never had to work or be responsible for others. Let your mind wander back to images you may have forgotten - peaceful nature walks, traveling to exotic locales, being an accomplished this or that - things you may do or be or may not do or be, but things that feel intensely personal, deeply connected to your "real" self, and completely not judged or altered by being talked about or attempted in reality.
3- Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. This may mean going up a size (or two, or three) - but if you can fit into them you'll feel more prone to like what you see when you walk out of the door in the morning, more dignified, and more apt to want good things for yourself, including getting healthy.
4 - Do it for yourself. This is so cliche, but the truth of it is hard to ignore. If you are going to get into shape for your partner or for a potential partner, your ick will multiply exponentially. You can't do anything improve your health or your self-image in front of an imaginary audience because it will cause you not to forgive, embrace and move on, but to judge, criticize and insult yourself. Do it for yourself, that twin you visualize, and your peace of mind.
5 - Go slowly. I read an article recently outing the show 'The Biggest Loser" for showing extreme weight loss on a weekly basis. It turns out that these feats of weight loss do not occur over a week long period of time, but over the course of several weeks, and then the show edits and manipulates the footage to make it seem like it's been a week. Rome wasn't built in a day! Especially if you're going for a lifestyle change and not just a quick ten pounds to fit into that dress, taking your time with fitness and re-organizing your day and your life to make room for YOU and your new habits will take time.
6 - Take a walk through a health-food store. Even if you can't afford to shop at these regularly, simply being in one can sometimes renew your commitment and reconnect you with what you want for yourself truly, which is to feel good and at peace with yourself, both inside and out. Thumbing through the vegan newspapers and eyeing the rice cakes may make "dieting" feel kind of silly and "health" feel more like it - which is really what "dieting" was supposed to be all about to begin with. Incense is a nice touch, too.
7 - Take time every day to listen to music you love, even if it's just in the car on the way to and from work. Take bubble baths, Use aroma therapy. De-stressing will assist you in your journey toward better health and will allow you to care for yourself in ways that are really meaningful and not ICK-filled or ICK-driven.
8 - Prepare food for ONLY you. Many of us cook for our children, our spouses, our friends and our parties, but we don't eat what we make, or we don't take the time to find and cook food that we really love and enjoy, that we feel is healthy for us. If you allow yourself to at least prepare and pack your own lunch, you will feel that nurturing energy and not the ICK energy toward yourself, revitalizing your commitment to your own health.
9 - Stop reading diet magazines and trashy celebrity magazines and watching those types of television shows if you do. They are so superficial, so outward focused, that they will steal energy away from your journey and cause you to feel terrible about yourself even as you think you are relaxing. The negativity and the obsessive-compulsive advertising (eat this, then take this diet pill) will undermine your clarity and your positive feelings about your developing healthy habits.
10 - Finally, Be Still. As Max said to the Wild Things - "Be Still!" and stop the monster inside of you from eating away at your self esteem, your self regard, your self worth, and your ability to love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Quiet that ICK and take a break. It's what you deserve.
Aimee Boyle struggles with ICK and finding time to write lesson plans on the beautiful shoreline of CT