“Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us. ...”
“We rendezvous out on the fire escape...”
“Going down on you in a theater...”
“I wanna kiss you underneath the stars. ...”
John Legend, Alanis Morissette and many other musicians have written songs about sex-in-public. Couples are planning to engage in sexual behaviors that are outside the privacy of their own bedrooms, and are looking for places for “destination sex”. Similar to the ever-popular “destination weddings”, destination sex can create some real head-turning discussions!
Destination sex refers to sexual activities, and does not necessarily equate to intercourse. As with any sexual behavior, there is a continuum of behaviors that include a wide variety of activities such as kissing, playful touching and caressing. Have you ever seen a couple dancing, and wished they would “get a room”? Perhaps dancing was their foreplay; the dance floor their destination!
Elevators, airplanes (“mile high club”), caverns/caves, parks, movie theaters, car (parked!), whether your friends are providing factual information about their destinations, or are providing story-telling entertainment, you can create a fun and safe environment. The excitement and pleasure of sex-in-public includes some of the risks of being discovered...but let’s talk about how to minimize the risks and gain the benefits of spicing up our sex lives.
Mutually monogamous does not mean monotonous.
Many movies, stereotypically aimed at men, suggest how boring it is to be with the same woman for years. Please know that this is a stereotype, and whereas some broad generalizations are true, there are just as many men, as women, who are interested in finding that one special person to share their life with. Making someone sexually excited and feel pleasure when you love them is intoxicating, and this can happen anywhere. Knowing your relationship is mutually monogamous (both individuals have only one sexual partner) can be exciting in and of itself.
How to choose a destination? Share your fantasies first!
Some of the fun is being spontaneous, but it can be helpful to talk with your partner first about your destination fantasies. Are you on a beach in the moonlight? Sitting in a fishing boat on the lake? Hiking through the mountains? Camping in the woods? Staying at an RV Park? Going on a road trip with no destination? Once you start talking about your secret desires (and talking alone can lead to intimacy), you can create opportunities for your fantasies to become reality.
Be prepared to change destination!
Please know that when couples do share fantasies with each other, flexibility and open-mindedness are essential for last minute changes. Don’t think of any sudden timid response as proof of a bad idea or attempt, as the reality can set in that there is a chance of being discovered. You can start out slow and engage in destination sex more privately (hotel room, tent, RV), or know the destination (i.e., romantic sandy beach) was better left as a fantasy (i.e., biting sand mites!).
Summertime Sex. Vacation Sex. Sound great?
Why is vacation sex or summertime sex seemingly more exciting, carefree, satisfying, fun and energizing? Many couples talk about “vacation sex” as different than their usual. Is it the location, feeling carefree and away from daily life stressors?
Be prepared to...be safe!
Remember your birth control (pills, extra condoms, etc), as well as any other “accessories” that you may need. Think about your destination, as you may need a few extra blankets, sunscreen, bug spray (ha!), just to make sure you do have some of the comforts of home. A cell phone (with reception) is also a safe idea, and as long as you have the basic necessities, you can have fun with your partner bringing to life your secret desires!