The breakdown of a marriage isn’t always obvious, but many times it does not happen in the blink of an eye. The marriage will start disintegrating over time and finally come to a breaking point where one or the other partner will decide that enough is enough.
From the Beginning
When one decides to get married, it is never with the intention to see the marriage fail. There is always a desire to see the relationship succeed. No one walks into a wedding – except perhaps a jilted ex or particularly unkind mother or mother-in-law – wishing for anything bad to befall a couple.
There are hopes and plans for the future: holidays in sunny places or even just peaceful moments alone, babies, good jobs and a happy, healthy and debt-free household.
When a marriage ends, amongst the anger and frustration and stress of getting resettled and starting a new life, there is grief.
When a marriage breaks down, there is not only the grief over the loss of the relationship, but also all those dreams that a bride (and groom) had hoped for the relationship. Those dreams that compelled them to get married in the first place.
Sometimes it is the loss of those dreams that hurt the most.
My Story
Did your dreams sound anything like this? I wanted to spend my 10th anniversary at a bed and breakfast inn. Year nine was a big struggle for us, not unlike many couples, but when we neared the start of year 10 I really began to wonder if a weekend by ourselves would even be possible or a good idea. That 10-year mark came and went with no bed and breakfast.
I wanted to spend my life with a man who would love me and adore me and take care of me and put my needs and wishes above his own, or at least sincerely strive to. That never happened either.
Some dreams you can definitely pick up with someone else or on your own. Just because the marriage is dead doesn’t necessarily mean that the dreams have to die. But a marriage has expectations placed on it from both parties. Expectations for a loving, healthy, passionate relationship with someone who will come to know you better than you know yourself—and love you any way.
Please share in our Marital Discovery and Recovery forum some of your dreams that you’ve had to say good-bye to, let go or put on hold because of a marital breakup.
Sources: www.doctorbecky.com; www.askdrjackie.com