If you have more than one child, you may have children who will hopefully be friends forever. Relationships between siblings can be truly special and supportive. They may also be difficult at times. It can be helpful to encourage healthy relationships among siblings. It is important to know when to back off and let them figure things out on their own. Some tips to help:
First, make sure that all family members know the rules about communication and the way each member is to be treated. The way children learn to treat others and their parents in the home will most likely greatly influence how they treat others outside of the home.
--Teach your children how to disagree: It would be so nice and easy if our children would always politely use their words and communicate with each other but reality is that kids argue. However, we can teach them how to disagree fairly. It is important for them to learn how to share their feelings, listen to the other person, and find a compromise or some practical solution. Sometimes this may mean taking a break to calm down before trying to discuss the situation. It may mean having to give into someone else’s way, being aware that the next time he will get a turn. It may be important to set limits, for example, “please do not use my scooter without asking me first.” Supervise communication indirectly, and teach your children basic communication skills that will assist them.
--When they have learned the skills, get involved only when they seem like they are having a really difficult time: Once your children know the skills to work out their issues, let them use them. It is your role to intervene only when and if the communication escalates to yelling or it becomes physical. Give them one chance to work it out in a calm manner. If they cannot work it out it is then a good time for a timeout and separation from each other. Then you want to encourage them to come together and work it out in a polite manner.
--Applaud them when they are getting along: Let your children know on a regular basis that you appreciate it when they get along and play nicely together. Your consistent focus on their positive interactions with each other will benefit their development of a loving relationship with each other.
--Create opportunities for your children to connect: If parents are always involved in their children’s lives, siblings do not have the chance to bond on their own. Allow them to have occasions for unstructured fun time without you.
--Treat each child as an individual the best that you can: Try to look at your children individually and support their own unique interests.
--It is best to minimize competition and avoid comparisons: Ongoing competition can result in rivalry. When you make comparisons, someone ends up feeling badly. Rather, focus on each child’s own strengths.
--Encourage interaction among your children despite age differences: Unique lifetime friendships can arise out of any age difference. During their younger years, ask the older children to interact with the younger ones. In the later years, children will often connect with their siblings because of personality, temperament and shared interests.
--Accept the fact that children who are closer than three school years apart will most likely have more differences growing up: Generally, if children are competing for the same types of toys and have similar developmental needs as well as needs for attention, there may be more occasions for stress in the family and in the home.
You play a part in the development of sibling peace, but only to a point. It is necessary for you to promote sibling relationships by accepting the uniqueness of each child, modeling certain behaviors, teaching valuable ways to communicate.
Simpson, B. (2006). The Balanced Mom