Teens are in an equally difficult and wonderful phase of life. It lasts for a relatively short time before other facets of responsibilities begin to take shape in the form of finding and keeping a job, paying bills, marrying and staying married, finding a work-life balance, etc.
Though all mothers are aware of the wonders and challenges of the six years of being a teenager--since they have gone through it themselves--it seems almost ironic that they often seem to be at loggerheads on social issues with their own daughters through this crucial period. Let us take a closer look at how both your daughter and you can glide through this period and bond more effectively.
1. Know that your teenage daughter loves and needs you.
Teenage girls experience more peer pressure than their male counterparts (Source: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States; October 15, 1999; 'Voices of a Generation; Teenage Girls on Sex, School, and Self'- a new report released by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation (AAUW); URL:http://www.thebody.com/content/art2349.html). They try and keep up with the trends and ape attitudes and lifestyles of the "leader" of their group or a celebrity. The need to conform is greater in teenage girls. This may make her aloof from you and the family who was earlier her primary support group. Mothers should know this. They must be confident that their teenage daughter still loves and needs them though she may behave quite the opposite. Like most children any age, they love and look for support from their families, particularly from their mothers.
2. Keep communication lines open at all times!
A major part of any relationship’s health depends on communication and it is no different for a mother-daughter relationship at any phase of life. Teenagers have the need to talk. They often find the need satisfied in their peer groups because they feel they are understood there. A mother can be in the communication loop by encouraging her teen to talk to her when she is at home. By keeping the "available" signal at green, you can help make your daughter cope with the unique challenges of her teen years, whether you work at office or work from home or are a stay at home mother. It is important to let her know through reassurances that you are there to support her and that you are a friend, not foe.
3. Remember yourself at her age and how would you have reacted.
Though the easiest route to take is the one of first reaction, it is usually not the most appropriate. Teens, as we know, have a different perspective on life and are beginning to form their own view of the things, situations and people around them. They are also redefining their own place in their world. This could create awkward circumstances and seem to be at cross-purposes with your scheme of things and your expectations of her. Yet it is important to take a step back and see the reasons why she thinks the way she does and what you would have done had you been in her shoes.
4. Avoid vocalizing your judgment every instance of communication.
Teens go through their own gamut of physical, social, and academic issues. They may or may not be resolving each of these problems in the way they would have liked. This could cause them to judge themselves too harshly. Peers may add on and reinforce those negative self-images, leading to low esteem. As a mother, you must be aware of this situation. If she brings a problem to you, you must not respond to it with a negative feedback or reprimanding. It makes the problem worse and the adolescent may go into an emotional shell. Be supportive, regardless of your personal opinions and past experiences. This will undo her fear of being "rejected" by you and she will be willing to share more. In a short span of time, you are likely to find your teenage daughter beginning to confide in you more often!
5. Make a habit of going out together once a week.
This will go a long way in building and strengthening the mother-daughter bond. The outing may not have to be the clichéd trip to the shopping mall. It could be sharing time over a cup of coffee at the cafe to catch up on the week’s happenings. It could be watching a movie together or even a trip to a concert, a recital, or a play at a theater. It could be time together at the beauty salon or at the masseur. Such outings will give you both the window to let down your hair, get away from the staleness of the home and make it easier for her to talk to you.
Mamta Singh is a published author of the books Migraines for the Informed Woman (Publisher: Rupa & Co. URL: http://www.amazon.com/Migraines-Informed-Woman-Tips-Sufferer/dp/8129115174/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298990756&sr=1-2), the upcoming Rev Up Your Life! (Publisher: Hay House India) and Mentor Your Mind (Publisher: Sterling Publishers). She is also a seasoned business, creative and academic writer. She is a certified fitness instructor, personal trainer & sports nutritionist through IFA, Florida USA. Mamta is an NCFE-certified Holistic Health Therapist SAC Dip U.K. She is the lead writer and holds Expert Author status in many well-received health, fitness and nutrition sites. She runs her own popular blogs on migraines in women and holistic health. Mamta holds a double Master's Degree in Commerce and Business. She is a registered practitioner with the UN recognised Art of Living Foundation.