Considering the size of the military, chances are you have a friend, family member or significant other serving. With Thanksgiving just passing and Christmas and the New Year coming up, it might be saddening if you are unable to see a loved one in the military during the holidays.
However, experts have some coping tips that can get you through the holidays even if your loved one isn’t present and could be in danger while serving in the military. Jill Kristal, a clinical psychologist, said in an email that she specializes in helping families who have to deal with separation because of loved one relocating.
“There's no way to totally avoid the painful feelings caused by physical separations but today's technology provides numerous creative ways to be together,” Kristal said.
Kristal has four coping tips for women with loved ones in the military during the holidays:
1. “Use Skype video and invite the absent family member to be present for Christmas dinner, open gifts, join in a sing along or even kiss under the [mistletoe].”
2. “Keep others informed about holiday happenings with free text messages and phone calls worldwide by downloading What'sApp or Viber on your cell phones.”
3. “Make care packages with items that will show love and bring laughter.”
4. “Acknowledge the sadness and talk about it but be present and involved where you are.”
Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of “The Commuter Marriage; Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart,” agrees that technology is helpful for people with loved ones in the military.
“Being separated for the holidays sucks,” Tessina said. “But, you can make it better if you keep in touch and share the festivities as much as possible. Family can share videos, post them on YouTube or Facebook, so you don't miss out on the school or religious holiday events.”
Also, people in the military can still be involved in holiday event planning, especially if they think they’ll be home sometime around the holidays.
“You may be able to help your spouse with the gift shopping by picking doing online shopping, or helping, by Skype or email, to make decisions about what food to serve, what people to invite, etc.,” Tessina said.
People in the military can also communicate any feelings of loneliness to loved ones who are at home.
“Let your family know you're missing them,” Tessina said. “This is not the time to be silent about your feelings. If they know you're missing them, they'll be even more motivated to help you stay in touch. If you have a setup for Skype, you can phone face to face.”
Parents in the military who have children can still be involved in their children’s lives through technology and participation in family affairs as well.
“When behavior or other problems arise at home, talk with your spouse about what the solution or consequences will be, and try to be available by phone to let your children know that both their parents are in agreement about the problem and the solution,” Tessina said. “You can even attend family meetings via speaker phone.”
Parents in the military can also get creative through using other technology to communicate with their children. For example, there is “Record a Story,” which allows parents who are away from their children for periods of time to still read their children a bedtime story by recording their voice in certain books available on the website.
The company behind the product, Publications International, Ltd., also sponsors a specific program for people in the military with children called “Operation Record a Story. Through this program, PIL donates books to another organization called United Through Reading, which sets up events where military parents can record themselves reading books and also have a video taken of them reading.
Another type of technology targeted toward military parents is the Cuddletunes bear, which allows parents to make a recording that can be placed in a teddy bear so younger children can listen to their far-away parent talking.
Sources:
Kristal, Jill. Email interview. Nov. 29, 2011.
Tessina, Tina B. Email interview. Nov. 29, 2011.
Record a Story. Web. Dec. 1, 2011.
http://record-a-story.com
Record a Story. About Publications International, Ltd. Web. Dec. 1, 2011. http://record-a-story.com/info/About_Us
Record a Story. Web. Dec. 1, 2011. http://portal.pubint.com/pubint/RAS_Video_panel/Op_RAS_News_Release.pdf
Cuddletunes. Web. Dec. 1, 2011. https://www.cuddletunes.com/mod/public/about
Reviewed December 1, 2011
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith