Sex doesn't have to stop or get boring after children, though its pursuit can be challenging.
Many factors mess with parents’ sex lives, wrote Parenting.com.
These include exhaustion, a light-sleeping child, hormones, lack of time, embarrassment about weight gain, and difficulty shifting gears from parent to lover.
Despite the challenges, a sex life can be preserved. Here are some tips for maintaining a healthy sex life.
Communication is the key to a healthy sex life, according to About.com. Talk with one another about your expectations concerning lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your relationship.
Parenting.com said that if you state explicitly at the start that you love and respect each other, you're both likely to feel more comfortable expressing your feelings.
Have date nights. About.com recommended swapping date nights with other couples. They watch your kids one night for a sleepover, and you watch their kids another night.
Experts agree scheduling regular date nights is a great way to keep the relationship alive, wrote SheKnows.com. When you’re out, try to keep "baby talk" to a minimum, instead focus on each other.
About.com said that once the two of you become three or more, sex and lust may become less and less spontaneous.
In order to keep your sexual intimacy active, try scheduling sex. That doesn't mean sex won't be just as enjoyable. It just means you have to be a bit more practical.
And while scheduling sex can help, think about it broadly, wrote Parenting.com. If nights out are expensive and infrequent, what about scheduling time in the mornings or during afternoon naptime?
Be specific about what you want and need during sex. Parenting.com said that your body and your life have changed since you had a child.
Maybe there's something in particular you want that you didn’t want before. Just say it: "harder", "softer", "faster", "slower", "touch me here".
PsychologyToday.com recommended trying a little dirty talk to offer more direct suggestions, or to praise previous acts that you’d like repeated. If saying dirty words out loud makes you uncomfortable, start quietly and whisper them to your partner.
Baby-proof your bedroom advised SheKnows.com. Remove baby blankets, toys and other items from of your bedroom, even for just a little while.
PsychologyToday.com reported that research suggests some of the drop in sexual activity comes from a loss of novelty. Shake things up. Change locations, positions, even the music you play.
Keep your eyes open during sex. We deeply connect with one another through eye contact, wrote PsychologyToday.com. Even though it can make us feel vulnerable to maintain an eye-lock during lovemaking, it keeps open the neural circuits necessary for intimacy.
Sources:
Burns, Ami. "Marriage and sex tips for new parents." Entertainment | Recipes | Love | Contests | Beauty | Parenting. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Sept. 2012.
http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/807660/marriage-and-sex-tips-for-new-parents
Carter, Ph.D., Christine L. "Five Simple Sex Tips for Parents | Psychology Today." Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Sept. 2012.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-happiness/201106/five-simple-sex-tips-parents
Raykeil, Heidi. "How to Talk about Sex." Parenting.com. Parenting, n.d. Web. 4 Sept. 2012.
http://www.parenting.com/article/how-to-talk-about-sex
Stritof, Sheri & Bob. "Sex for Parents – Making Time for Sex as Parents." Marriage -- Make your marriage a success. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Sept. 2012.
http://marriage.about.com/od/parenting/a/parentslovers.htm
Stritof, Sheri & Bob. "How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive in Your Marriage -- Ways to Keep Your Sex Life Healthy." Marriage -- Make your marriage a success. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Sept. 2012.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/sex/ht/sexlifealive.htm
Reviewed September 6, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith