Hello,
I am a 60 year old widow of 10 years and met my boyfriend, age 59, a few months after my husband of 25 years passed. From the beginning, he was very upfront and told me he never wanted to marry again. He said if that's what I wanted it would be best to move on. At the time, I wasn't sure, but wanted to date him. He treated me like a queen! I have never met a person who was so considerate and generous to a fault.
In the beginning, the sex was great - a bit more adventurous than what I was used to and I felt alive again. Our relationship had ups and downs, as time went on, I realized he was a restless soul. He had many, many short relationships in the 7 years after his divorce, as I had only a few, including my husband. He said he wanted something more permanent when he met me and we have been together for the most part for 10 years.
We get along great, the only sticking point seems to be the sex. I am always willing and initiate most of the time. There are times when I do feel like a whore because I sense there is no emotional connection. He has always said there is no such thing as love, only told me he loved me a couple times when we broke up for a few months 5 years ago when he wanted freedom. I met someone else and it was great for 2 weeks, however that's when he wanted me back and was so contrite and sorry. I was torn, but we had history and I did love him and didn't want to lose what we had, so I went back with him.
We have talked about this issue many times and it always seems to go back to the usual. I can tell he's not happy in that area. He has been so good to me and my children over the years, there aren't enough words to say on the wonderful things he has done for all of us.
He is an entrepreneur and always has flexibility to be anywhere at anytime. He says that one should do everything they can to make their partner happy.
On that end, he said all he asks is that I get ideas and reenact porn to make things more exciting most of the time. I'm a pretty busy person working full time, work out regularly and have a group of friends that I see from time to time. I have explored porn sites and done/said, worn costumes, done sexy dances, tried some new things, used toys, given massages, but he says I've done nothing to bring to the relationship in that respect. It only means something to him if it's memorable.
Recently the sex is just sex, no sensual kissing - he likes dirty talk, and a bit rough. I feel like less of a woman because I feel I'm being compared to a porn actress or other women he's been with. I'm a caring and loving person, and have no problem making a man happy in the sex dept. Another thing is he always looks at other women and makes sexual comments about them in my company. It bothered me at first, but I realize that is him.
He is a very blunt, fair person, but moody as well. Sorry, seem to be going on here, but 10 years is such a long time and so many factors come into play and he is still so very considerate of me.
I've been really thinking about going the friend route with him and tell him just go to be with other women. If that is the case, I won't have sex with him again. He doesn't really find joy with much and if he does, it's very short lived. He says he cares for me and knows I'm an honest and genuine person, but with the things he jokingly says, like he'll help with my Match profile or tells me to go find a nice guy, I'm getting tired of it. (He's been telling me these things for 10 years!) I read so many times to read into a man's actions, not his words, so that's my conundrum.
At this point, I feel he has spoiled me in a sense because there is no comparison as to how most men are and how they treat women.
My son is getting married next year and I would like him to be included as he is a family member for the most part, my grown children consider him a friend and person who cares for their mother. Although, he doesn't accompany me to most family functions, doesn't like crowds or socializing, BUT we'll go to a club or nice bar and he'll buy drinks and dinner for strangers!
Not sure you can give any advice, but just would like an outsider's view. I think I know what it will be...Thank you