Living with ongoing chronic anxiety is no picnic. Seems like everything in life is just harder for the anxious soul than it is for someone not burdened this way.
It can be harder to get up in the morning. Harder to get out the door. Harder to talk to other people and make decisions. Harder to enjoy a day when there is nothing visibly wrong.
Anxiety is a cousin of fear, depression and the unnameable dread.
When an anxious individual is asked what they are so worried about sometimes there will be specific fears but often it is a feeling — an all-encompassing physical sensation perhaps — that causes the sufferer to want to curl up in a ball, and rock, or run far and fast.
Or it may leave them feeling paralyzed and unable to act at all. To be unable to say why these intense reactions are trying to rule your life — well, that just makes it all even harder to bear.
I was an anxious child who grew up to be an anxious adult. When I was a teenager, my doctor called what I was suffering "floating anxiety" because it never seemed to be ABOUT anything. But it was crippling nonetheless.
Somewhere along the line, I have become more confident and less prone to anxiety but I'll never forget what it was like for me all those years. My heart goes out to those who are presently contending with this often invisible opponent.
Here are just 10 of the things your anxious friends would like everyone to understand:
1) Wanting to not be anxious doesn't make me less anxious.
Being told that if I just would try harder, or suggesting that I must want to feel this way just makes me feel worthless and angry. I can't explain to you, I can't even explain to myself. I need you to just take my word for things.
2) Dragging me into the center of attention does not make me less anxious.
Pushing me to do things "for my own good" is going to backfire. If you thought I was showing signs of anxiety before, wait till you see what happens when I'm a deer in the headlights.
3) Sometimes I need to be alone.
I may love people — I may love you! But I have to have time by myself, I have to be away from the feelings, and actions and responses of others if I am to be able to hold it together.
4) I might prefer to be able to sit back and observe other people rather than jump into the middle of things.
Sometimes direct involvement with others is just too intense. People-watching, being a spectator of the normal things of everyday life can be comforting and reassuring, and sometimes it is as close as I want to get to humanity.
5) Sometimes I warm up slowly, forcing the issue doesn't help.
Forcing of any kind makes me feel helpless and angry, and then guilty about feeling angry. And angry about feeling guilty. Leave me be to move at my own pace, when I am feeling comfortable enough to do so.
6) Social situations can be overwhelming for me. It helps to know I can leave if I need to.
Knowing I can go out the door also means I feel more in control. If I know I can leave, I may be more likely to stay. Yeah, I know how that sounds. Still true, though.
7) I am not always comfortable having long talks on the phone.
I may not be a great one for phone conversations. Sometimes the phone just feels too immediate and too direct. And that doesn't instill a feeling of comfort that is necessary for a chatty convo. If I ask you to get to the point and get it over with, don't take it personally.
8) I may turn down invitations, or back out at the last minute.
If I have to back out, please appreciate that I did try to say yes, it was just going to be too much for me. And if you can't understand how that can be, please just take my word for it.
9) There doesn't have to be something scary going on for me to be overwhelmed with anxiety.
I don't always know why I'm anxious. Sometimes I just have a sense of impending doom, a certainty that my decisions will be wrong and will lead to horrific consequences, or that I will be the random victim of someone else's actions. On a bright and sunny day I may be existing in storm and darkness within, with no idea how to change it.
10) Even if I seem like I don't appreciate your phone calls or visits, I really do.
It may make me thoroughly uncomfortable and that may be completely obvious to you. But if you are willing to deal with that, and keep on making contact with me, I will be happy to live with the lack of ease that I feel.