“The most powerful ties are the ones to the people who gave us birth … it hardly seems to matter how many years have passed, how many betrayals there may have been, how much misery in the family: We remain connected, even against our wills.” — Anthony Brandt, "Bloodlines," as quoted in "It Didn’t Start With You"
A college-aged man stands in an elevator alongside his girlfriend. Just moments before, the couple calmly entered it, and now they are discussing their forthcoming dinner plans. Both are equally enthusiastic about trying a new restaurant.
Their conversation comes to an end when the elevator suddenly stops. Both try their respective cellphones, but the cellphones do not seem to work.
After several minutes of the elevator remaining idle, the man begins to feel his chest constrict, and his breathing begins to become shallow. He isn’t saying anything. His palms are moist, and there is sweat dripping from his upper lip and the sides of his forehead.
As the man lowers his body to sit down, his girlfriend thinks he is having some sort of panic attack. She begins to press every button in the elevator and shouts for assistance. Moments later, the elevator resumes normal function, and the couple exit onto the ground floor.
Outside of the elevator the man looks shaken, but is able to breathe. He no longer feels the tightening in his chest that he felt insider the elevator.
Was it a panic attack and why? He can't recall ever having this reaction to being in an elevator before. Is his physical reaction due to a family history of trauma that he is unaware of?
Although this is strictly a hypothetical situation, a new book called "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn explores how a family history of trauma can influence your present day reactions to certain events.
For example, your father's exposure to a traumatic event can impact the way you perceive events, even if there is not a current threat. Because of the family history of trauma, you may be more sensitive to particular experiences.
This can be due to epigenetics.
What exactly are epigenetics? Authors Deepak Chopra, MD, FACP and Rudy Tanzi, PhD wrote about the power of epigenetics in their most recent book together, "Super Genes."
They explained it this way. “The Greek word epi means ‘upon,’ so epigenetics is the study of what is on top of the genes.”
Chopra and Tanzi went on to write, “What's new with epigenetics is that the memory of personal experience — yours, your father's, your great- grandmother's may be immediately passed on. This brings us to the single most important idea in mother's or grandmother's traumatic childhood may have changed your own personality toward anxiety and depression. If the genome is the architect's blueprint of life, the epigenome is the engineer, construction crew, and facilities manager all in one.”
This is a lot to understand, when it comes to the power of epigenetics and how it relates to your behavior.
Fortunately, poet turned best-selling author, Mark Wolynn did a phone interview with this EmpowHER writer.
Wolynn said that, in processing inherited family trauma, it is often helpful for people to directly experience the feelings that have been submerged in the body.
And when one is able to access those feelings, he or she can learn how to integrate them without becoming overwhelmed by them. Then you can see your family history from a new perspective, and this in turn allows the body to relax as well.
During the interview Wolynn said that many of us have “core language”— the residue of emotionally-charged words left over from trauma.
Wolynn wrote, “It’s no accident that for me language is a potent tool of healing. For as far back as I can remember, language has been my teacher, my way of organizing and understanding the world.”
The book offers techniques for the reader to understand not only how your core language is formed but also how to heal.
Techniques include writing a letter (even if the recipient of the letter may not receive it) as well as acknowledging how your own mistakes may have caused the person pain.
Other techniques are lighting a candle in memory of someone, and feeling the presence of the deceased one, and creating a boundary with someone so that feelings and the need for safety are honored.
The author also provided 21 invisible dynamics that can affect relationships. Perhaps your parents didn’t stay together, or they were unhappy together, or maybe you took care of your parent’s feelings.
He also gave written exercises for readers to delve within themselves to gain insight into their core language.
What is helpful is that Wolynn draws upon his interactions with his clients to provide real-life examples of how some of them have struggled with phobias, anxiety, trauma and depression. He says they were able to heal using the techniques outlined in his book.
Our genes are very powerful. Unless you are an identical twin, you are a unique identical thanks to your DNA.
“You were born to your genes not the other way around," wrote authors Chopra and Tanzi in "Super Genes."
However, the environment that you were raised in can also have an impact on the way you experience your adult life. In this Discover magazine article, it is found that a rich and nurturing environment can also be beneficial.
"If your grandmother was adopted by nurturing parents, you might be enjoying the boost she received thanks to their love and support. The mechanisms of behavioral epigenetics underlie not only deficits and weaknesses but strengths and resiliencies, too."
Kristin Meekhof is a speaker, writer, and licensed master’s level social worker, and has obtained her BA in psychology from Kalamazoo College and her MSW from the University of Michigan.
Kristin is the author of the book, “A Widow’s Guide to Healing: Gentle Support and Advice for the First 5 Years.”
Reviewed June 23, 2016
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith