So, my Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. But we did not start having sex until few months ago. He is my first & we use to have a great sexy time together before i lost my virginity to him.It started going down for me ever since we start having sex that he would rather prefer to masturbate to finish himself even we have intercourse which has been effecting me greatly because I am mostly on top of him and trying to satisfy him but he would eventually make little no effort to either change the sexual position or satisfy me and eventually i get the feeling the he is not enjoying having sex so i gets off of him and he masturbates until he cum while watching me seduce him.
Recently, we get a chance to spend few nights together. The other day, he was home all day so we went a couple rounds, same story, he didn't made any move to be manly or try to satisfy me and he masturbated until finish while i seduce him. The last round we went together, out of no where he started to ask if i have to pick any of my friends, which one it would be so we can have a threesome, It shocked the f**k out of me him even saying that, i played along and asked why, he answered because we dont want to have any regrets; we are still in our 20s & just to spice things up. So i took the name of my friend, who doesnt like my boyfriend and my boyfriend doesnot like him. However, he was totally fine with it and said, even though i dont like her but can you ask her, do u know she has big t*ts -- this that. It totally threw me off guard but since this conversation happened while him and i were making love. I decided to play along with it and finally i asked him to see his reaction that what id i want to have a threesome, would you get one more guy; and he said its fine with me!!!
That same night, he brought up the porn conversation and he said i wanted to show you one. So he shows me the porn that he really like, and start saying look at her t*ts , look at her as** i started to touch him since he was erect to help him, but he was so much watching that porn that he was just fantasizing about that but he didn't make any moves towards me to help him processed even me saying would you do that to me blah blah. After playing it like that, I see it going no where and felt so disgusted and insulted that i literally to the other side pretending that i am going to sleep while he is banging the bed masturbating to the porn& making me feel like a piece of crap. I kept pretending that i was sleeping but in reality i actually was crying because i was just feeling so embarrassed, horrible, disgusted of him and not good enough. He coudnt hear anything and thought that i was sleeping because he was too busy pleasuring himself watching porn, neither did he tried to touch me in a sexual way to get his urges out, instead i kept crying laying next to him, while he was literally shaking the bed for straight 15-20 min pleasuring himself.
Once he finished himself, he pretends to wake me up saying" baby why are you over there come here cuddle with me"
i have no fuc***ng clue what is going on. One thing i know for sure that i am starting to feel really disgusted, horrible, and not good enough as well as not satisfied, also i am starting to regret my decision of giving him a chances to take my virginity. I need some serious advice coz i am afraid that from the signs he is losing interest in me and i am afraid of him cheating on me.
thankyou