Flip through the channels on your television and you’ll get a sense of the pervasiveness of violence in our culture. It’s likely that you’ll see a disturbing collage of explosions, blasting guns, punching and kicking. Even some of the more educational and “scientific” programs have violence and murder as frequent topics. Take a trip to your local video store and notice how many videos have violent themes. Visit the video arcade where your children like to hang out and check out their games. What do you see?
You know you can’t control all of the things that affect your children’s lives. But there are things you can do to encourage your children to become more caring, compassionate, and responsible, in spite of the harshness to which they are exposed. The American Psychological Association offers these tips:
One of the most important things you can do is let your children know how much it means to you that they show kindness to others. Look for ways that they show caring toward others and reinforce this behavior with praise: “Susan, that was so nice of you to comfort Timmy when he was crying. I’m proud of you.”
When your children do something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, immediately let them know that you don’t want them doing that. Be honest and firm. Focus on the behavior, not the child personally. “What you did is not very nice,” rather than “You’re not very nice.” Explain how their behavior affects others.
Your children learn from your words and actions. If you consistently show kindness to them and to others, they are more apt to learn to be caring. Remember that if you say one thing, but do another, you will lose credibility in your child’s eyes. An example of this would be complimenting someone on her hairdo, but then making fun of it when she’s gone.
Here are some suggestions on setting a good example for your children:
In spite of your best efforts, your children will be exposed to outside influences that model uncaring and violent behavior. Here are some tips to help counteract these influences:
The early years of children’s development (birth to age five) influence their later development and ability to show compassion. According to human development specialists at the University of Missouri, children are more apt to develop compassion if they are provided with a foundation of:
RESOURCES:
Mental Health America
http://www.nmha.org/
National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml/
CANADIAN RESOURCES:
Canadian Mental Health Association
http://www.ontario.cmha.ca/
Canadian Psychiatric Association
http://www.cpa-apc.org/
References:
Family and relationships: what makes kids care? American Psychological Association website. Available at: http://www.apa.org . Accessed April 4, 2003.
Parenting: raising kind children. University of Missouri website. Available at: http://missourifamilies.org/features/parentingarticles/parenting4.htm . Accessed June 10, 2007.
Last reviewed May 2009 by Theodor B. Rais MD
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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