I've struggled with food issues, anorexia and compulsive over-eating since age 12 (after being molested by my father). Then, due to the stresses of life's circumstances, I developed full-blown, out-of-control bulimia at age 44. That was 2 years ago. I'm "better" today, but still struggle.
When I began keeping food down, I immediately gained weight (40 pounds!). Now I'm at the point where none of my clothes fit, I feel extremely uncomfortable, physically. I feel so FAT. So, I catch myself easily falling back into my old routine that I know so well: Starving myself for a day or two, then binge eating and throwing up. (I'm what is called a "restrictive bulimic.) I used to not ever throw up anywhere except for at home. Now, it's progressed to throwing up in public restrooms.
I have a wonderful counselor, who is a recovered anorexic herself. She keeps telling me that I need to go back and see my nutritionist (someone she recommended 2 years ago who specifically treats eating disorders, and is also a recovered anorexic). I really see no point in going back to the nutritionist. I know what I should be doing, how I should be eating.
I starve myself, especially on the weekends when I'm not on a routine during the work week. I'm afraid that if I start eating, I'll never stop. It's hell.
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I've struggled with food issues, anorexia and compulsive over-eating since age 12 (after being molested by my father). Then, due to the stresses of life's circumstances, I developed full-blown, out-of-control bulimia at age 44. That was 2 years ago. I'm "better" today, but still struggle.
When I began keeping food down, I immediately gained weight (40 pounds!). Now I'm at the point where none of my clothes fit, I feel extremely uncomfortable, physically. I feel so FAT. So, I catch myself easily falling back into my old routine that I know so well: Starving myself for a day or two, then binge eating and throwing up. (I'm what is called a "restrictive bulimic.) I used to not ever throw up anywhere except for at home. Now, it's progressed to throwing up in public restrooms.
I have a wonderful counselor, who is a recovered anorexic herself. She keeps telling me that I need to go back and see my nutritionist (someone she recommended 2 years ago who specifically treats eating disorders, and is also a recovered anorexic). I really see no point in going back to the nutritionist. I know what I should be doing, how I should be eating.
I starve myself, especially on the weekends when I'm not on a routine during the work week. I'm afraid that if I start eating, I'll never stop. It's hell.
Shelley
June 8, 2009 - 9:35amThis Comment
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