I have been married to my husband for 13 years. I have known since we met that he had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Before we married, I did research, met with his doctor, and decided that he had the illness under control through medication and therapy.
The first 10 years of the marriage were average, normal. Same marriage ups and downs as everyone else. Two beautiful, happy children. Occasionally he would have an episode, usually depression, and we would deal with it like any other life challenge and move on. Marriage therapy, individual therapy for both of us, helped a lot.
About three years ago it started to get bad and more out of control. Still depression...so gradual that it wasn't noticeable until it became unbearable for me. Still in marriage/individual therapy. But I feel very alone. Like he's not the man I married. He's not the man he was 5 years ago. My gut feeling is that he is not working issues in his therapy, he is avoiding them---i know this because he avoids his issues when he talks to me.
I have never given up on him. I take care of him as best I can, I monitor his moods and adjust myself and the kids accordingly, I understand that his depression makes it impossible to notice anyone but himself (unless he finds something to criticize with me, then he is very free with the attention).
Now to the question: I want to move on with parts of my life. I want to go out with friends and have fun. I'm only 41 and I'm still cute. I don't want to leave him or divorce him. He has an illness and needs me, but he is not able to be a husband to me: emotionally, sexually, nothing. I really really need some male attention. Suppress it? Or go out and indulge it occasionally? Thanks for reading.
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I have been married to my husband for 13 years. I have known since we met that he had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Before we married, I did research, met with his doctor, and decided that he had the illness under control through medication and therapy.
October 6, 2009 - 1:47pmThe first 10 years of the marriage were average, normal. Same marriage ups and downs as everyone else. Two beautiful, happy children. Occasionally he would have an episode, usually depression, and we would deal with it like any other life challenge and move on. Marriage therapy, individual therapy for both of us, helped a lot.
About three years ago it started to get bad and more out of control. Still depression...so gradual that it wasn't noticeable until it became unbearable for me. Still in marriage/individual therapy. But I feel very alone. Like he's not the man I married. He's not the man he was 5 years ago. My gut feeling is that he is not working issues in his therapy, he is avoiding them---i know this because he avoids his issues when he talks to me.
I have never given up on him. I take care of him as best I can, I monitor his moods and adjust myself and the kids accordingly, I understand that his depression makes it impossible to notice anyone but himself (unless he finds something to criticize with me, then he is very free with the attention).
Now to the question: I want to move on with parts of my life. I want to go out with friends and have fun. I'm only 41 and I'm still cute. I don't want to leave him or divorce him. He has an illness and needs me, but he is not able to be a husband to me: emotionally, sexually, nothing. I really really need some male attention. Suppress it? Or go out and indulge it occasionally? Thanks for reading.
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