Pat,
Thank you - I kinda started rambling when I wrote this...so thank you for your comments of eloquence - this is a very passionate and difficult issue for me and certainly for many women as you describe.
I am still learning how to devote time for myself. It is a daily challenge. Sometimes that time is when my kids are in school, husband is at work and I am at home. I just crawl into bed and sleep it away. Other times, I come up with excuses to get out of the house - I even make stuff up to make it sound important and to avoid the 'conversation'. I know he feels bad and there is no need to make him feel worse, so I don't say that I just need to get the hell out of the house and away from it all - maybe I should... but I don't. We have both been to therapy on occasion and have our meds pretty well balanced - and through this I have been able to explain that I don't need a guilt trip when I leave for an evening. He has been pretty good about that part recently. So I try to arrange for a night with my gal friends and even an occasional dinner date or movie date with a friend or a 'guy' friend who knows my circumstances. It all helps.
What is challenging is that I can not talk about this with many people. My friends are my family friends. They love my husband and my children. It is not fair to put them in the middle, so it is difficult to find the person that I can talk with. When I describe what I am feeling, the first reaction is generally... it must be so hard for him.... or i can't imagine what he is feeling....
While that is true and I feel for him, this is hard on me too. It affects me too. It affects our family too. I don't want to minimize the pain and loss he feels, but I have pain and loss too.
Finding time to myself is soooo important but not an easy task.
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Pat,
Thank you - I kinda started rambling when I wrote this...so thank you for your comments of eloquence - this is a very passionate and difficult issue for me and certainly for many women as you describe.
I am still learning how to devote time for myself. It is a daily challenge. Sometimes that time is when my kids are in school, husband is at work and I am at home. I just crawl into bed and sleep it away. Other times, I come up with excuses to get out of the house - I even make stuff up to make it sound important and to avoid the 'conversation'. I know he feels bad and there is no need to make him feel worse, so I don't say that I just need to get the hell out of the house and away from it all - maybe I should... but I don't. We have both been to therapy on occasion and have our meds pretty well balanced - and through this I have been able to explain that I don't need a guilt trip when I leave for an evening. He has been pretty good about that part recently. So I try to arrange for a night with my gal friends and even an occasional dinner date or movie date with a friend or a 'guy' friend who knows my circumstances. It all helps.
What is challenging is that I can not talk about this with many people. My friends are my family friends. They love my husband and my children. It is not fair to put them in the middle, so it is difficult to find the person that I can talk with. When I describe what I am feeling, the first reaction is generally... it must be so hard for him.... or i can't imagine what he is feeling....
While that is true and I feel for him, this is hard on me too. It affects me too. It affects our family too. I don't want to minimize the pain and loss he feels, but I have pain and loss too.
Finding time to myself is soooo important but not an easy task.
June 11, 2010 - 12:18amThis Comment
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