I am very close to two families who do this slightly differently, mostly because of distance.
I think that each of them would encourage you to start your new traditions this year, realizing as you go in that the holidays will not be completely peaceful, especially this first year. The best you can hope for is that you and your ex-husband can get along and present a united front as far as what the new routine will be, and that it can be good.
One family I know does the either-or thing; the kids get Thanksgiving with one parent and Christmas with the other, and then they switch the following year. The downside is, of course, that the kids miss seeing one parent entirely on each holiday; the upside, however, has been a more gradual blending of family traditions as their parents have both remarried now. This family has long distances to travel, so sharing the holiday isn't possible.
The other family I know shares each holiday like this: One gets Thanksgiving dinner (earlier in the day), the other gets Thanksgiving dessert and evening. And one gets Christmas Eve, the other gets Christmas Day. And the following year, it switches. This family has actually done a fairly remarkable job of redefining the holidays in their own way, in my opinion; the children know what to expect and, while there is always some sadness when they transfer from one parent to the other, it now seems "normal" for all involved. I would say it's taken them 3 or 4 years to figure out what works best for them.
Realize that this is just the first year of holidays in what will be an evolving process. Involve the kids, but you and your ex must be able to agree on and make the decisions that seems the best for everyone involved.
Here's an article about divorce, stress, children and the holidays:
Come back and let us know what you've decided -- lots and lots of us deal with these seemingly small issues in daily life that get so large when the holidays are involved.
Comment Reply
Kristin,
I am very close to two families who do this slightly differently, mostly because of distance.
I think that each of them would encourage you to start your new traditions this year, realizing as you go in that the holidays will not be completely peaceful, especially this first year. The best you can hope for is that you and your ex-husband can get along and present a united front as far as what the new routine will be, and that it can be good.
One family I know does the either-or thing; the kids get Thanksgiving with one parent and Christmas with the other, and then they switch the following year. The downside is, of course, that the kids miss seeing one parent entirely on each holiday; the upside, however, has been a more gradual blending of family traditions as their parents have both remarried now. This family has long distances to travel, so sharing the holiday isn't possible.
The other family I know shares each holiday like this: One gets Thanksgiving dinner (earlier in the day), the other gets Thanksgiving dessert and evening. And one gets Christmas Eve, the other gets Christmas Day. And the following year, it switches. This family has actually done a fairly remarkable job of redefining the holidays in their own way, in my opinion; the children know what to expect and, while there is always some sadness when they transfer from one parent to the other, it now seems "normal" for all involved. I would say it's taken them 3 or 4 years to figure out what works best for them.
Realize that this is just the first year of holidays in what will be an evolving process. Involve the kids, but you and your ex must be able to agree on and make the decisions that seems the best for everyone involved.
Here's an article about divorce, stress, children and the holidays:
http://www.divorcesource.com/CT/ARTICLES/wetstone1.html
And here's one about starting new traditions:
http://www.divorcetransitions.com/articles/newtraditions.htm
And if your children are very young, this might help:
http://www.preschoolerstoday.com/articles/holiday-winter/holidays-after-...
Come back and let us know what you've decided -- lots and lots of us deal with these seemingly small issues in daily life that get so large when the holidays are involved.
October 14, 2008 - 8:50amThis Comment
Reply