Are there really coed showers and coed rooms on deployments?? I was just married a month ago to a soldier. We didn't date long (4 months) before I moved in with him, and became pregnant only a month later. I am due in May. I know how that sounds, truly I do. We are both almost 30 though, and knew eachother somewhat in High School. We're both from the same small town and when I reconnected with him I'd just gotten out of a very bad relationship and honestly was quite vulnerable. I agreed to move here to be with him (as he relocated) because I was in the process of finding a new city to live in also - and I figured - why not give this a shot. I truly felt like he had a great heart, and hope that is truly the case. He is deploying in a few weeks. I wanted to marry him because this is his 3rd deployment, and he saw more than anyone should see on his first two, and came back with P.T.S.D. both times around. The mission he's going on is very dangerous - and I'm almost positive he'll come back with some type of P.T.S.D symptoms. He told me how the p.t.s.d. has affected him before - he tends to withdraw himself, almost going into hibernation mode. I thought the best chance at us raising this child together - was for us to get married - feeling that he'd be more committed to the family if this were the case, even if he comes back wounded either physically or emotionally. I felt that he'd be less apt to withdraw if that were the case. I love him very much..... I'm also very torn though by something that just happened last night while he was away for a week taking a class. We'd been arguing for a couple of days, and he was at the base he used to be stationed at - and went out with friends who used to work with and had been deployed with before, and some of the soldiers he's currently with. He very rarely drinks, but did last night before even going bowling. I talked to him right before he left the bowling alley and could tell he was very intoxicated. He said he'd be back to the hotel shortly and call me - and sounded very loving - I was SO happy to hear him speak like that because they say "the truth comes out when you're drunk" and our fighting the two previous days really had me questioning whether or not he truly loved me. I still hadn't heard from him 45 mins later, and so called and texted him 3 times. His phone then died, so I called one of his fellow soldiers, who happens to be female. To make a long story somewhat shorter, he was out until 3 a.m...he tells me that he was only with one of his male friends from the deployment, but he lied about almost the whole night and only because I consistenly pointed out his inconsistencies in his story did he begin telling the truth layer by layer. I hate to admit it, but there is really a part of me that thinks he could have cheated. He's lied at least twice since I moved down here, and I have stressed to him just how important honesty is to me. I don't understand how he can lie, but love me....and I don't understand how to trust him after this. He comes home tomorrow, and goes to the field the very next day for a week, and then we finally have a few last weeks together before he is deployed. I've never felt so emotionally drained in my life - I'm almost numb now. I've had 9 hours of sleep in the past 3 days and have not been eating well until tonight when I finally got some of this off my chest tonight with a fellow army wife who used to be a soldier herself. She said that on her deployment that the single soldiers "acted crazy" -- i.e. they "hooked up" quite a bit with one another. She first said that cheating was faily commonplace but then said that it wasn't extremely common amongst married soldiers. I truly respect the work soldiers do - and can recognize that they may become almost inevitably emotionally bonded with fellow soldiers of the opposite sex - and am so afraid of this happening now, and leading to a physical bond as well..... This lady I talked to tried to tell me to stay positive - that her and her husband fought a lot their first 2 yrs of marriage - and ESPECIALLY right before a deployment - they've been married 5 years. I also spoke with one of the only other army wives I know who my husband and I are friends with as well as her husband - and they both really feel that my husband loves me. They understand me being upset about him lying, but feel that we can work through this -and that he truly loves me. I asked one of his best friends from high school if he thought that he loved me (I wouldn't normally contact his friends like that -but so needed some validation) and he said he did as well and to remember that "love is not based on one lie or one moment or one day" ....
How do you ladies (and gents) feel regarding this? I want so badly for this marriage to work - I want it deep down in my core - especially with a child on the way. Also, I've never been as in love with someone as I am with him. He has a hold on me like no other has before. There's a part of me that hopes that even if he is lying, and I pray he didn't cheat (I don't think I could handle that, I definitely could not stay with him) --anyways, there's a part of me that hopes that if it was "just" lying that he did - that the more he falls in love with me, the more he'll realize just how much it hurts me to lie to me. He did agree to take a lie detector test once he gets back from deployment, and said "good you can take one too" to me. He usually says he'd never worry about "small things" like I worry - but I really think he would worry if he were in my shoes, if roles were reversed, and I was working etc. and out of the house more often. Do you think his promise of taking a lie detector test means he's planning on being completely faithful and that I shouldn't worry *too* much about last night?
I'm planning on doing all those things (sending tons of letters/ pictures/ videos of baby and me) etc to him to make him feel like as much as possible like he is not missing out - and that I truly love and miss him. I'm also VERY worried he will get hurt. I guess I feel like I want to know I can trust him - when I know just how much this is going to take a toll on me as it is (him being in a warzone.)
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Are there really coed showers and coed rooms on deployments?? I was just married a month ago to a soldier. We didn't date long (4 months) before I moved in with him, and became pregnant only a month later. I am due in May. I know how that sounds, truly I do. We are both almost 30 though, and knew eachother somewhat in High School. We're both from the same small town and when I reconnected with him I'd just gotten out of a very bad relationship and honestly was quite vulnerable. I agreed to move here to be with him (as he relocated) because I was in the process of finding a new city to live in also - and I figured - why not give this a shot. I truly felt like he had a great heart, and hope that is truly the case. He is deploying in a few weeks. I wanted to marry him because this is his 3rd deployment, and he saw more than anyone should see on his first two, and came back with P.T.S.D. both times around. The mission he's going on is very dangerous - and I'm almost positive he'll come back with some type of P.T.S.D symptoms. He told me how the p.t.s.d. has affected him before - he tends to withdraw himself, almost going into hibernation mode. I thought the best chance at us raising this child together - was for us to get married - feeling that he'd be more committed to the family if this were the case, even if he comes back wounded either physically or emotionally. I felt that he'd be less apt to withdraw if that were the case. I love him very much..... I'm also very torn though by something that just happened last night while he was away for a week taking a class. We'd been arguing for a couple of days, and he was at the base he used to be stationed at - and went out with friends who used to work with and had been deployed with before, and some of the soldiers he's currently with. He very rarely drinks, but did last night before even going bowling. I talked to him right before he left the bowling alley and could tell he was very intoxicated. He said he'd be back to the hotel shortly and call me - and sounded very loving - I was SO happy to hear him speak like that because they say "the truth comes out when you're drunk" and our fighting the two previous days really had me questioning whether or not he truly loved me. I still hadn't heard from him 45 mins later, and so called and texted him 3 times. His phone then died, so I called one of his fellow soldiers, who happens to be female. To make a long story somewhat shorter, he was out until 3 a.m...he tells me that he was only with one of his male friends from the deployment, but he lied about almost the whole night and only because I consistenly pointed out his inconsistencies in his story did he begin telling the truth layer by layer. I hate to admit it, but there is really a part of me that thinks he could have cheated. He's lied at least twice since I moved down here, and I have stressed to him just how important honesty is to me. I don't understand how he can lie, but love me....and I don't understand how to trust him after this. He comes home tomorrow, and goes to the field the very next day for a week, and then we finally have a few last weeks together before he is deployed. I've never felt so emotionally drained in my life - I'm almost numb now. I've had 9 hours of sleep in the past 3 days and have not been eating well until tonight when I finally got some of this off my chest tonight with a fellow army wife who used to be a soldier herself. She said that on her deployment that the single soldiers "acted crazy" -- i.e. they "hooked up" quite a bit with one another. She first said that cheating was faily commonplace but then said that it wasn't extremely common amongst married soldiers. I truly respect the work soldiers do - and can recognize that they may become almost inevitably emotionally bonded with fellow soldiers of the opposite sex - and am so afraid of this happening now, and leading to a physical bond as well..... This lady I talked to tried to tell me to stay positive - that her and her husband fought a lot their first 2 yrs of marriage - and ESPECIALLY right before a deployment - they've been married 5 years. I also spoke with one of the only other army wives I know who my husband and I are friends with as well as her husband - and they both really feel that my husband loves me. They understand me being upset about him lying, but feel that we can work through this -and that he truly loves me. I asked one of his best friends from high school if he thought that he loved me (I wouldn't normally contact his friends like that -but so needed some validation) and he said he did as well and to remember that "love is not based on one lie or one moment or one day" ....
How do you ladies (and gents) feel regarding this? I want so badly for this marriage to work - I want it deep down in my core - especially with a child on the way. Also, I've never been as in love with someone as I am with him. He has a hold on me like no other has before. There's a part of me that hopes that even if he is lying, and I pray he didn't cheat (I don't think I could handle that, I definitely could not stay with him) --anyways, there's a part of me that hopes that if it was "just" lying that he did - that the more he falls in love with me, the more he'll realize just how much it hurts me to lie to me. He did agree to take a lie detector test once he gets back from deployment, and said "good you can take one too" to me. He usually says he'd never worry about "small things" like I worry - but I really think he would worry if he were in my shoes, if roles were reversed, and I was working etc. and out of the house more often. Do you think his promise of taking a lie detector test means he's planning on being completely faithful and that I shouldn't worry *too* much about last night?
I'm planning on doing all those things (sending tons of letters/ pictures/ videos of baby and me) etc to him to make him feel like as much as possible like he is not missing out - and that I truly love and miss him. I'm also VERY worried he will get hurt. I guess I feel like I want to know I can trust him - when I know just how much this is going to take a toll on me as it is (him being in a warzone.)
Deeply in love and confused,
January 28, 2011 - 9:50pmNew army wife
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