I wanted to provide an update of what has helped with our son (and yes, I have to agree with Alysia that he is "irresistibly cute"!) :-)
He is so young, just turned 2, that reasoning with him is not possible (explaining situations is possible; but not "reasoning"...toddlers are not capable of this higher function yet!). Also, time outs did not work, as he thought it was a game, and it turned into an act of attention-getting from him. For our situation, we'll use time-outs as he gets older (and will still practice them, for major infractions...like hitting others).
Right now, he is mainly hitting mom (me!), and has hit dad. His hitting is not out of anger (only once was it out of anger, when he hit his friend, and that did result in a time out). When he hits me or my hubby, it is usually when we're having fun and laughing, so I was confused. Turns out, "confused" is a toddlers' middle name! Toddlers are riddled with conflicting feelings and behaviors, as they are trying to figure out their world. Think about it: he just gained control of his arms a year and a half ago!
So..what worked for us? Right now, when he hits either me or my husband, or even himself (and is the situation with all of us laughing), I can see that my son is trying out his scientific experiments of "cause-and-effect", as well as "what gets mommy and daddy's attention?". After a hit, or before if we catch him winding up, we say, "I like soft touches" and then take his little hand and demonstrate a soft touch wherever he was about to hit. My face, his own head, my husband's arm...whatever. My son gets a good giggle out of it, and then continues to do the "soft touch" for a while afterward. THIS feels like a great parenting alternative to us, as there is no formal discipline, but more teaching and redirecting.
yeah! I feel successful, and hope this feeling lasts for at least a week! :-) Susan, thanks for making me feel like I am a good parent and have a "normal" situation!
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Thanks for all the positive support!
I wanted to provide an update of what has helped with our son (and yes, I have to agree with Alysia that he is "irresistibly cute"!) :-)
He is so young, just turned 2, that reasoning with him is not possible (explaining situations is possible; but not "reasoning"...toddlers are not capable of this higher function yet!). Also, time outs did not work, as he thought it was a game, and it turned into an act of attention-getting from him. For our situation, we'll use time-outs as he gets older (and will still practice them, for major infractions...like hitting others).
Right now, he is mainly hitting mom (me!), and has hit dad. His hitting is not out of anger (only once was it out of anger, when he hit his friend, and that did result in a time out). When he hits me or my hubby, it is usually when we're having fun and laughing, so I was confused. Turns out, "confused" is a toddlers' middle name! Toddlers are riddled with conflicting feelings and behaviors, as they are trying to figure out their world. Think about it: he just gained control of his arms a year and a half ago!
So..what worked for us? Right now, when he hits either me or my husband, or even himself (and is the situation with all of us laughing), I can see that my son is trying out his scientific experiments of "cause-and-effect", as well as "what gets mommy and daddy's attention?". After a hit, or before if we catch him winding up, we say, "I like soft touches" and then take his little hand and demonstrate a soft touch wherever he was about to hit. My face, his own head, my husband's arm...whatever. My son gets a good giggle out of it, and then continues to do the "soft touch" for a while afterward. THIS feels like a great parenting alternative to us, as there is no formal discipline, but more teaching and redirecting.
yeah! I feel successful, and hope this feeling lasts for at least a week! :-) Susan, thanks for making me feel like I am a good parent and have a "normal" situation!
December 14, 2008 - 8:50amThis Comment
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