Hi
I am 36. Married for 10 years. Together 19 years. I married my husband knowing he had an illness. Never realizing it would get to where it is today. In between the 10 years of marriage, my father died who raised me, my mother died who I chased all my life to love me (in my arms she died) and 7 weeks before her passing I cared for my grandmother until she died.
Fast forward to today - I am so angry at my current lot in life. I have decided to leave my husband, and this decision will cause many to judge me. It is painful to watch someone slowly wither down. Even more painsful since I have watched death a few too many times in my 36 years. Lastly, I never considered having children because it was not an option due to his illness. I am heartbroken over leaving him.....sometimes the pain of staying is greater than the pain needed to leave.
I am sorry for what you are going through but honestly, we are human, and can only take so much pain....in one lifetime. I was the wife that did it all! I am spent and I am tired of staring illness and death in the eyes everyday. I am extremely compassionate and very loving but again I am human. I am weak and I need happiness too before I get sick in the head.
I feel guilty also, I've cared for us financially for years. But again I am human and I too have needs. It is a balancing act. Maybe I came to a selfish part of my life and am desepartley seeking happiness especially since I am half way through this life. I am full of energy, vibrant and have managed to keep myself up even through all of this. I agree that part of me is failing my marriage vows. I hope I will be forgiven. Not sure I helped at all or if I am reaching out for my ownself..... non the less I am sending love and a hug your way...
Comment Reply
Hi
I am 36. Married for 10 years. Together 19 years. I married my husband knowing he had an illness. Never realizing it would get to where it is today. In between the 10 years of marriage, my father died who raised me, my mother died who I chased all my life to love me (in my arms she died) and 7 weeks before her passing I cared for my grandmother until she died.
Fast forward to today - I am so angry at my current lot in life. I have decided to leave my husband, and this decision will cause many to judge me. It is painful to watch someone slowly wither down. Even more painsful since I have watched death a few too many times in my 36 years. Lastly, I never considered having children because it was not an option due to his illness. I am heartbroken over leaving him.....sometimes the pain of staying is greater than the pain needed to leave.
I am sorry for what you are going through but honestly, we are human, and can only take so much pain....in one lifetime. I was the wife that did it all! I am spent and I am tired of staring illness and death in the eyes everyday. I am extremely compassionate and very loving but again I am human. I am weak and I need happiness too before I get sick in the head.
I feel guilty also, I've cared for us financially for years. But again I am human and I too have needs. It is a balancing act. Maybe I came to a selfish part of my life and am desepartley seeking happiness especially since I am half way through this life. I am full of energy, vibrant and have managed to keep myself up even through all of this. I agree that part of me is failing my marriage vows. I hope I will be forgiven. Not sure I helped at all or if I am reaching out for my ownself..... non the less I am sending love and a hug your way...
all the best :) rachelle
January 24, 2012 - 3:56pmThis Comment
Reply