Hello. I am reading all these stories and my heart goes out to all. I have been living with and dealing with my husband of 15 years who was an alcoholic and also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has been mean and abusive to me and I have endured. He has worked on and off for the past 6-7 years and I have been the supporting us financially as well as trying to deal with his ups and downs. It has been very difficult but I am his wife. I made a vow through sickness and in health. I also became sick with a serious illness several years ago and he made it more about him than me. ( I am doing pretty well now). Instead of stepping up to the plate, he started drinking even more - giving the excuse he was afraid to lose me. I eventually left him because he refused to get help. He convinced me to take him back - making all kinds of commitments to me. Was I saintly or stupid? Now, looking back, the latter seems more accurate. We tried to make a fresh, new start and I thought I was getting back the man I married. Not so fast. He quit drinking for about 6 months, was on decent behavior and then started up again and even stronger than before. Finally, he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease - having only about 10% liver function left. On top of that he was also diagnosed with diabetes and afibrillation (a heart malfunction) and needless to day, he fell into a depression. He has stopped drinking but then obtained a medical marijuana card and was smoking pot 24/7. I would come home from work and my house smelled like a pot den. He has alienated his entire family and no one will talk to him anymore because of his abusive behavior toward them as well. They think I am crazy to stay with him and this is HIS family! I am the only one in his life. He has not friends, no job and no money. What was I supposed to do - drop him on the curb? So I stayed and tried to get him to get the proper help. I try to encourage him to fight and live his best life but he would rather wallow in his misery. And guess what happens? It makes me miserable. I work all day and come home to a broken man every day who could care less about the effect of his behavior on anyone else - particularly his loved ones. He used to do chores around the house while I worked outside the home but now he doesn't even do that. So, everything is up to me. And because of his bipolar depression and the fact that I am the only person in his life - I am in the line of fire. If I try and encourage him to get therapy or get out and do exercise I am being a nag and a bitch. He berates me and tells me I am selfish and how can I turn against him (irrational behavior is common for bipolar disorder) and he focuses on dying instead of living - no matter how much life he has left. His doctors tell us that it is possible he may live many years with this liver failure if he does not drink. He has stopped drinking now but still he is angry about his illness and I can't do anything right. It has now become way beyond my skill set. I am extremely loyal and have stood by this man for many years. If we had a history of kindness and love, I think I would feel different about supporting him during this illness; but the time has come where I can no longer be on the other end of his abuse nor am I able to help him. He frightens me. I walk on eggshells all the time. I am finally at the point of trying to make a plan for us to split. Whether that means assisted living for him or just moving him into his own little apartment, that is the way we are headed. Sometimes, although the decision is difficult, it is a matter of survival. Thank you for all of your stories. And for the chance to tell mine. My best to you all.
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Hello. I am reading all these stories and my heart goes out to all. I have been living with and dealing with my husband of 15 years who was an alcoholic and also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has been mean and abusive to me and I have endured. He has worked on and off for the past 6-7 years and I have been the supporting us financially as well as trying to deal with his ups and downs. It has been very difficult but I am his wife. I made a vow through sickness and in health. I also became sick with a serious illness several years ago and he made it more about him than me. ( I am doing pretty well now). Instead of stepping up to the plate, he started drinking even more - giving the excuse he was afraid to lose me. I eventually left him because he refused to get help. He convinced me to take him back - making all kinds of commitments to me. Was I saintly or stupid? Now, looking back, the latter seems more accurate. We tried to make a fresh, new start and I thought I was getting back the man I married. Not so fast. He quit drinking for about 6 months, was on decent behavior and then started up again and even stronger than before. Finally, he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease - having only about 10% liver function left. On top of that he was also diagnosed with diabetes and afibrillation (a heart malfunction) and needless to day, he fell into a depression. He has stopped drinking but then obtained a medical marijuana card and was smoking pot 24/7. I would come home from work and my house smelled like a pot den. He has alienated his entire family and no one will talk to him anymore because of his abusive behavior toward them as well. They think I am crazy to stay with him and this is HIS family! I am the only one in his life. He has not friends, no job and no money. What was I supposed to do - drop him on the curb? So I stayed and tried to get him to get the proper help. I try to encourage him to fight and live his best life but he would rather wallow in his misery. And guess what happens? It makes me miserable. I work all day and come home to a broken man every day who could care less about the effect of his behavior on anyone else - particularly his loved ones. He used to do chores around the house while I worked outside the home but now he doesn't even do that. So, everything is up to me. And because of his bipolar depression and the fact that I am the only person in his life - I am in the line of fire. If I try and encourage him to get therapy or get out and do exercise I am being a nag and a bitch. He berates me and tells me I am selfish and how can I turn against him (irrational behavior is common for bipolar disorder) and he focuses on dying instead of living - no matter how much life he has left. His doctors tell us that it is possible he may live many years with this liver failure if he does not drink. He has stopped drinking now but still he is angry about his illness and I can't do anything right. It has now become way beyond my skill set. I am extremely loyal and have stood by this man for many years. If we had a history of kindness and love, I think I would feel different about supporting him during this illness; but the time has come where I can no longer be on the other end of his abuse nor am I able to help him. He frightens me. I walk on eggshells all the time. I am finally at the point of trying to make a plan for us to split. Whether that means assisted living for him or just moving him into his own little apartment, that is the way we are headed. Sometimes, although the decision is difficult, it is a matter of survival. Thank you for all of your stories. And for the chance to tell mine. My best to you all.
February 18, 2012 - 9:09pmThis Comment
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