I had to join this site and respond, becase I can relate in many ways as both the one who is sick and suprisingly the one who wants to leave.
I am a 47 year old male. I have congestive heart failure and am currently in the transplant program. I am also Bi-Polar, and have degenative disk desase. I still work 40 hours a week. I have insurance, I have disability insurance and I work in a field that I could work from home to make extra money if I couldn't handle a full time job. I am 4-5 months away from a new heart since I am an ex smoker. i must be nicotine free before they will do the transplant. I have helped her support her kids finacially for 12 years, and it's been a struggle for me. My son has gone without things while her kids have not. I am going to leave her. I do love her with all my heart. She is truly sicker than me. She isn't willing to do anything about it and it's going to kill me. This would be the only time, I feel it would be ok to leave a spouse. I am the physically sick one and I am leaving her. My family, friends, therapist (who used to be our marrige counsler), are begging me to leave her before I have the transplant. Because she will not provide the support I will need after it. I would have to move in with my mother for the recovery.
I had a heart attack 5 years ago that's the reaons for this, Heart desease runs in my family. the heart attack was going to happen. I wasn't taking care of myself, I smoked. I brought it sooner than later. I doesn't matter now, what matters now, is I'm doing something about the situation.
I died for 8 minutes. During that time I went into the afterlife and met my grandparents and God. During that time i was told, that we all pay for our sins while we are here on earth, not when we die. Hard to believe after what we're taught. To abandon someone because they are sick, is in my opinion something they will have to answer for. We all know they will lie about to everyone they know, they won't be able to ever be honest, because, morally, especially if they made a vow of marriage, they wil pay for it. No one will want them if they told the real truth, so they will have to seperate the realtiy for lies so someone will buy the BS. They would have done to anyone. It's not personal, it's their nature and their character. More than likely, they were only going to make things worse. if we really look honestly at the situation, I bet, we were making what it wasn't. I bet we were lying to ourselves about what they were really doing, because we were scared. Of course we were scared, it's an honest reaction to an abnormal situation. We have to believe that this will us stronger and that we can and will make it without them. People who only stick around while things are good and only going the way they want it to, have their own problems. LOL< You stayed with them, with their problems, now they were exposed like mine, they were truly sicker than you. Just not in the same way.
To those who are sick, get help, get support. Our real true caregivers have enough to worry about too. They can't always be our emotional support. They can't always be our leaning support. They have to deal with things too. We can't be selfish, or full of self pity and be childish. They won't always be available to us. Do nice things for them so show how much we appreciate what they are doing for us. Show gratitude, not attitude. Sometimes, our meds screw us up, and we are are still responsible for our actions. Just because we are sick doesn't give us a get out out of jail free card. We appologize for our actions. Make ammends. Try to learn about what we are taking, how it will effect us, talk to the dr's. get a therapist, do what we have to be responsible for our Illness. Don't make their life crap, just because we feel like crap. Get off the pity pot and take charge of our life and our Illness. Embrace it!! Accept it!! It's not personal!! It's the cost of being human and humans are not perfect. We weren't signaled out by God, we haven't been dropped. Go to a childs clinic and see the kids going the cancer, or their sicknesses. I have a buddy who's 3 years old son has had 3 open heart surgeries. Who the hell am I to be a whoose about my stuff. It's still OUR life. We are STILL responsible for OUR life. IT's not THEIR JOB to do everything fof US unless we TRULY can't do it or useselves.
There is a difference between hopeless and heplessness. They feel the same, and look the same, but they aren't. We are loved beyond a measure of comprehension that we can't imagine. There is a source of stregnth and power that we can tap into, all we have to do is reach out and it's there. Just believe you deserve it. Caregivers, who deal with their sick partners, it's a crappy deal, our lives didn't turn out the way we hoped. I didn't want my life to turn out like this either. No one wants this for you, or your partner. It's the cost of being human, and the risk we all take. If we had a crystal ball, would you do it with that person again? There is perfessionl help out there to help with the loss and greif that we experience with illnessness. Life is changing, and maybe becoming harder. Maybe we were spoiled, had lots of material things. Ever think God had a plan for us? Ever think, it was time to learn that there are more important things in life than material things. Not that they don't matter, but as long as the basic needs are met, maybe it's time to learn about other needs?
I can tell you something, we can take the love of our comittment with us in eternity. my grandmother and grandfather were there together. I still felt their love for each other.
I take care of myself. I eat correctly. I walk as much as can. I work 40 hours a week. I used to pay half of the bills, but I told her I wasn't going to do that anymore, since I saw her working all this OT and then I was broke. I had bills to pay and can't afford it, and she's buying crap for her kids who have jobs, but can blow their money and she bails them out, but makes me feel guilty for asking for more time with her. She has to work, because I might get too sick to work and we might need the money. She spends all her money on her kids. She has no savings. I have insurance in case that happens. I will never be told I am a burden, when I've done more than she does, and told no I don't have time for you. Than she says I never said that, I don't think that way about you. I have had enough. I know I am loved, I know there is a power greater than me I can lean on, and use when I am weak. We all have it.
If your down, if your hurting, if your feeling like runing try an exercise. Look on the internet for beautiful nature pictures and celestial images. If you can take a walk thru the park. Stop and smell the flowers. Listen to the birds. If it's possible drive around a nice lake, try to do it as close to sunset as possible and watch the sun sink and look at the color sin the sky. Go home for awhile. Take in all or as much of the beauty as possible. When it's dark look at the night sky, remember the stars are suns, remember the other galaxies, and nebulas, look on the internet if you need to. Take it all in and breathe. Just look at all the beautiful creation. After you have done this, really really done this. Something makes this work. The sun comes up, the birds fly, the flowers, trees grow. The stars shine, the galaxies do what ever they do. Something makes this work. it's awesome!!! Take a few mintues and think about the power that created all this beauty, all this wonder, all the power that made this and makes this work and operate daily. Now, go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Tell youself, "I am a part of that beautiful creation". Imagine all the beauty, and see that beautiful person looking back at you. You are beautiful!!!! You are just as glorious, inspiring, awe struck, magnificant and wonderful as all the things we looked at, because WE WERE CREATED BY THE SAME SOURCE!!! Remember that sick person is too!!! They are created by that same source. They are beautiful too!!!
No matter if we're sick, If we are in pain because we've been abandoned, wonder why are we sick, or have to deal with hard issues and or want to run away? We were not all made the same, but we were all created from the same source. We are human, and it' part of the frailty of being human. If that power that created all of this is out there and we if we feel that can't reach out to it, its probably because we turned out backs to it. not the other way around. It's always available to us. Remember, it may just not be in the way we think it should be. Good Luck to all of you.
Comment Reply
I had to join this site and respond, becase I can relate in many ways as both the one who is sick and suprisingly the one who wants to leave.
June 27, 2012 - 6:37amI am a 47 year old male. I have congestive heart failure and am currently in the transplant program. I am also Bi-Polar, and have degenative disk desase. I still work 40 hours a week. I have insurance, I have disability insurance and I work in a field that I could work from home to make extra money if I couldn't handle a full time job. I am 4-5 months away from a new heart since I am an ex smoker. i must be nicotine free before they will do the transplant. I have helped her support her kids finacially for 12 years, and it's been a struggle for me. My son has gone without things while her kids have not. I am going to leave her. I do love her with all my heart. She is truly sicker than me. She isn't willing to do anything about it and it's going to kill me. This would be the only time, I feel it would be ok to leave a spouse. I am the physically sick one and I am leaving her. My family, friends, therapist (who used to be our marrige counsler), are begging me to leave her before I have the transplant. Because she will not provide the support I will need after it. I would have to move in with my mother for the recovery.
I had a heart attack 5 years ago that's the reaons for this, Heart desease runs in my family. the heart attack was going to happen. I wasn't taking care of myself, I smoked. I brought it sooner than later. I doesn't matter now, what matters now, is I'm doing something about the situation.
I died for 8 minutes. During that time I went into the afterlife and met my grandparents and God. During that time i was told, that we all pay for our sins while we are here on earth, not when we die. Hard to believe after what we're taught. To abandon someone because they are sick, is in my opinion something they will have to answer for. We all know they will lie about to everyone they know, they won't be able to ever be honest, because, morally, especially if they made a vow of marriage, they wil pay for it. No one will want them if they told the real truth, so they will have to seperate the realtiy for lies so someone will buy the BS. They would have done to anyone. It's not personal, it's their nature and their character. More than likely, they were only going to make things worse. if we really look honestly at the situation, I bet, we were making what it wasn't. I bet we were lying to ourselves about what they were really doing, because we were scared. Of course we were scared, it's an honest reaction to an abnormal situation. We have to believe that this will us stronger and that we can and will make it without them. People who only stick around while things are good and only going the way they want it to, have their own problems. LOL< You stayed with them, with their problems, now they were exposed like mine, they were truly sicker than you. Just not in the same way.
To those who are sick, get help, get support. Our real true caregivers have enough to worry about too. They can't always be our emotional support. They can't always be our leaning support. They have to deal with things too. We can't be selfish, or full of self pity and be childish. They won't always be available to us. Do nice things for them so show how much we appreciate what they are doing for us. Show gratitude, not attitude. Sometimes, our meds screw us up, and we are are still responsible for our actions. Just because we are sick doesn't give us a get out out of jail free card. We appologize for our actions. Make ammends. Try to learn about what we are taking, how it will effect us, talk to the dr's. get a therapist, do what we have to be responsible for our Illness. Don't make their life crap, just because we feel like crap. Get off the pity pot and take charge of our life and our Illness. Embrace it!! Accept it!! It's not personal!! It's the cost of being human and humans are not perfect. We weren't signaled out by God, we haven't been dropped. Go to a childs clinic and see the kids going the cancer, or their sicknesses. I have a buddy who's 3 years old son has had 3 open heart surgeries. Who the hell am I to be a whoose about my stuff. It's still OUR life. We are STILL responsible for OUR life. IT's not THEIR JOB to do everything fof US unless we TRULY can't do it or useselves.
There is a difference between hopeless and heplessness. They feel the same, and look the same, but they aren't. We are loved beyond a measure of comprehension that we can't imagine. There is a source of stregnth and power that we can tap into, all we have to do is reach out and it's there. Just believe you deserve it. Caregivers, who deal with their sick partners, it's a crappy deal, our lives didn't turn out the way we hoped. I didn't want my life to turn out like this either. No one wants this for you, or your partner. It's the cost of being human, and the risk we all take. If we had a crystal ball, would you do it with that person again? There is perfessionl help out there to help with the loss and greif that we experience with illnessness. Life is changing, and maybe becoming harder. Maybe we were spoiled, had lots of material things. Ever think God had a plan for us? Ever think, it was time to learn that there are more important things in life than material things. Not that they don't matter, but as long as the basic needs are met, maybe it's time to learn about other needs?
I can tell you something, we can take the love of our comittment with us in eternity. my grandmother and grandfather were there together. I still felt their love for each other.
I take care of myself. I eat correctly. I walk as much as can. I work 40 hours a week. I used to pay half of the bills, but I told her I wasn't going to do that anymore, since I saw her working all this OT and then I was broke. I had bills to pay and can't afford it, and she's buying crap for her kids who have jobs, but can blow their money and she bails them out, but makes me feel guilty for asking for more time with her. She has to work, because I might get too sick to work and we might need the money. She spends all her money on her kids. She has no savings. I have insurance in case that happens. I will never be told I am a burden, when I've done more than she does, and told no I don't have time for you. Than she says I never said that, I don't think that way about you. I have had enough. I know I am loved, I know there is a power greater than me I can lean on, and use when I am weak. We all have it.
If your down, if your hurting, if your feeling like runing try an exercise. Look on the internet for beautiful nature pictures and celestial images. If you can take a walk thru the park. Stop and smell the flowers. Listen to the birds. If it's possible drive around a nice lake, try to do it as close to sunset as possible and watch the sun sink and look at the color sin the sky. Go home for awhile. Take in all or as much of the beauty as possible. When it's dark look at the night sky, remember the stars are suns, remember the other galaxies, and nebulas, look on the internet if you need to. Take it all in and breathe. Just look at all the beautiful creation. After you have done this, really really done this. Something makes this work. The sun comes up, the birds fly, the flowers, trees grow. The stars shine, the galaxies do what ever they do. Something makes this work. it's awesome!!! Take a few mintues and think about the power that created all this beauty, all this wonder, all the power that made this and makes this work and operate daily. Now, go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Tell youself, "I am a part of that beautiful creation". Imagine all the beauty, and see that beautiful person looking back at you. You are beautiful!!!! You are just as glorious, inspiring, awe struck, magnificant and wonderful as all the things we looked at, because WE WERE CREATED BY THE SAME SOURCE!!! Remember that sick person is too!!! They are created by that same source. They are beautiful too!!!
No matter if we're sick, If we are in pain because we've been abandoned, wonder why are we sick, or have to deal with hard issues and or want to run away? We were not all made the same, but we were all created from the same source. We are human, and it' part of the frailty of being human. If that power that created all of this is out there and we if we feel that can't reach out to it, its probably because we turned out backs to it. not the other way around. It's always available to us. Remember, it may just not be in the way we think it should be. Good Luck to all of you.
This Comment
Reply