I am 31 years old, and have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. We had a carefree, fun and loving relationship before she came along - although his family has always been a little 'too close' (everything is approved by the rest of the family or it is not acceptable to anyone)... anyway, our daughter was 6 1/2 weeks premature, and we had to deal with the stress of having her in NICU, complications with my c-section and hubby breaking a rib... all at the same time. Things started to even out a little bit once our daughter was home, other than the constant interference from his mother. Then when she was 8 months old, my husband collapsed in the bathroom, unconscious and barely breathing after about a week of flu-like symptoms. It was discovered that he had literally drowned in fluid in his lungs. They drained it and it kept reoccurring.
Surgeons did a thoracotomy with decortication in Oct 2011 but that did not work. He has been on steroids for almost 2 years, which keep things at bay but every time he goes under a certain dose he ends up in hospital again for IV drugs and drains. They have trialed him on various medications, which make him near impossible to live with.
And he is the worst communicator in the world.
Worse still is his mother and one of his best friends (who is a female, but she is in a committed relationship and I truly do not think there is romantic intent there), anyway, they are telling him things like "are you sure she isn't poisoning you", and "she is stressing you out so much she is making you sick" - which he is then reflecting onto me and getting nasty and vile towards me like he believes I am poisoning him or something!
I left him in October 2012 for 3 months because I was so sick of him not looking after himself - going to his father's business and running it for free, working himself to the bone, ending up in hospital, getting out and going and doing it all over again, drinking copious amounts of V energy drink, eating crappy food all the time.
To be honest, the promises that he would change, and my deep-seated desire to make our marriage last made me go back to him. That, and the hideous custody battle as he insisted on going for 50/50 custody, so his mother could have our daughter half of her life.
He takes off at random hours to 'walk the dog', he gives me the silent treatment for no reason, he doesn't answer my calls. I am wondering if he is having an affair, or is it just that he is avoiding me - I'm not sure which is worse!? Oh, and he still isn't looking after himself.
I want a happy, healthy husband, a partner in raising our child.
I am depressed. I cry alot when our girl is in bed, and I have been left on my own. He invests into our daughter when he feels like it, but he never invests in our relationship. I have tried taking him out on 'date nights', took him to a comedy thing he is really into recently. He talked about the workshop the whole time, and threw a few nasty comments at me about how he and his family (meaning his Mum and brothers) thinks I am a psycho.
We have seen private specialists, we have been to the heads of departments (respiratory, immunology, surgeons, etc). No stone has been left unturned. The hardest part is not knowing exactly what we are dealing with. After almost 3 years, I am under no impression that this is something that is going to be cleared up and will simply go away. I just wish my husband would come around to that way of thinking.
Regards
Lisa
PS. Just to clarify, I understand where you are coming from, and if there are no children involved... it makes things a lot easier. Maybe you can remain friends if he doesn't get too bitter and twisted?
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I am 31 years old, and have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. We had a carefree, fun and loving relationship before she came along - although his family has always been a little 'too close' (everything is approved by the rest of the family or it is not acceptable to anyone)... anyway, our daughter was 6 1/2 weeks premature, and we had to deal with the stress of having her in NICU, complications with my c-section and hubby breaking a rib... all at the same time. Things started to even out a little bit once our daughter was home, other than the constant interference from his mother. Then when she was 8 months old, my husband collapsed in the bathroom, unconscious and barely breathing after about a week of flu-like symptoms. It was discovered that he had literally drowned in fluid in his lungs. They drained it and it kept reoccurring.
Surgeons did a thoracotomy with decortication in Oct 2011 but that did not work. He has been on steroids for almost 2 years, which keep things at bay but every time he goes under a certain dose he ends up in hospital again for IV drugs and drains. They have trialed him on various medications, which make him near impossible to live with.
And he is the worst communicator in the world.
Worse still is his mother and one of his best friends (who is a female, but she is in a committed relationship and I truly do not think there is romantic intent there), anyway, they are telling him things like "are you sure she isn't poisoning you", and "she is stressing you out so much she is making you sick" - which he is then reflecting onto me and getting nasty and vile towards me like he believes I am poisoning him or something!
I left him in October 2012 for 3 months because I was so sick of him not looking after himself - going to his father's business and running it for free, working himself to the bone, ending up in hospital, getting out and going and doing it all over again, drinking copious amounts of V energy drink, eating crappy food all the time.
To be honest, the promises that he would change, and my deep-seated desire to make our marriage last made me go back to him. That, and the hideous custody battle as he insisted on going for 50/50 custody, so his mother could have our daughter half of her life.
He takes off at random hours to 'walk the dog', he gives me the silent treatment for no reason, he doesn't answer my calls. I am wondering if he is having an affair, or is it just that he is avoiding me - I'm not sure which is worse!? Oh, and he still isn't looking after himself.
I want a happy, healthy husband, a partner in raising our child.
I am depressed. I cry alot when our girl is in bed, and I have been left on my own. He invests into our daughter when he feels like it, but he never invests in our relationship. I have tried taking him out on 'date nights', took him to a comedy thing he is really into recently. He talked about the workshop the whole time, and threw a few nasty comments at me about how he and his family (meaning his Mum and brothers) thinks I am a psycho.
We have seen private specialists, we have been to the heads of departments (respiratory, immunology, surgeons, etc). No stone has been left unturned. The hardest part is not knowing exactly what we are dealing with. After almost 3 years, I am under no impression that this is something that is going to be cleared up and will simply go away. I just wish my husband would come around to that way of thinking.
December 29, 2013 - 1:25amRegards
Lisa
PS. Just to clarify, I understand where you are coming from, and if there are no children involved... it makes things a lot easier. Maybe you can remain friends if he doesn't get too bitter and twisted?
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