I am so happy that I found this site and have found so many others who are going through the same thing that I am right now, showing me that I'm truly not alone. I am 33 years old and my boyfriend will be 53 next week. We have been in a relationship for 7 years now. Yes, there is a big gap in age, but when I met him, he was young spirited, active, happy, and could make me laugh and smile like nobody ever has, which is why I fell so in love with him. Our relationship has never been all rainbows and butterflies, even from the beginning, we've had our issues, but we stayed strong together through many negative things. He stuck by me during a time in my life when I had no one and was separated from him off and on for 3 years. However, when I finally came home to stay, is when he started getting sick. My boyfriend has COPD. He always had a little trouble catching his breath and coughing spells due to smoking for many years of his life, but it was never something that I ever saw getting this bad, this quick. However, over the last 3 years, his health has taken a huge plummet downward and because of this, so has our relationship. My boyfriend who normally weighs about 150, now weighs around 220. He is on oxygen 24/7, can't walk very far at all without gasping for air, is constantly in pain, due to many surgerys, as well as back disease. He can't lay down at night and sleep like normal people because he can't breathe if he does, so he sits up all night and all day long, dosing in and out of sleep constantly. His family doesn't do much at all to help him and because of his health, I moved him into my mom's house, where I live, so that I could help take care of him more. However, this has made things between us even worse. He is absolutely miserable, but who wouldn't be that has to live like he does everyday. And I understand that, but I feel like I have all this weight on my shoulders and I can't do anything to make him better. Because of this, I have become very resentful and I find myself being mean to him because of it. I get mad that he doesn't do anything for himself except sit there and continue to die. We haven't been intimate in close to 3 years, and all we do is argue and fight anymore about anything and everything that we talk about. It's like we are friends, but friends that can't even get along anymore... I am overwhelmed with guilt at times. The man that I fell in love with is no longer the man that I am with today and it breaks my heart because I feel so guilty for wanting to leave him because who is going to take care of him if I do... I am 33 and I feel like I could have so much more in life now than what I have settled for, especially since most of my life has been stolen due to drug and alcohol addiction. I have finally gotten myself on the right track; started working, about to graduate from college, am able to care for my teenage children again, but I am miserable in my relationship. I care about him so much and I don't want to hurt him, but every time I bring up the fact that our relationship is pretty much over , he gets very upset and I feel so bad about it. I want him to be in a place where if I did leave, I could feel like he was going to be okay without me, but I don't even know where to start. He is very stubborn and I just feel like he won't even help himself anymore. I want to find someone who I can be happy with again, but without feeling like a horrible person and I don't know if that is even possible. Please let me know if anyone can relate to this and help me figure out what I am going to do. Thanks.
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I am so happy that I found this site and have found so many others who are going through the same thing that I am right now, showing me that I'm truly not alone. I am 33 years old and my boyfriend will be 53 next week. We have been in a relationship for 7 years now. Yes, there is a big gap in age, but when I met him, he was young spirited, active, happy, and could make me laugh and smile like nobody ever has, which is why I fell so in love with him. Our relationship has never been all rainbows and butterflies, even from the beginning, we've had our issues, but we stayed strong together through many negative things. He stuck by me during a time in my life when I had no one and was separated from him off and on for 3 years. However, when I finally came home to stay, is when he started getting sick. My boyfriend has COPD. He always had a little trouble catching his breath and coughing spells due to smoking for many years of his life, but it was never something that I ever saw getting this bad, this quick. However, over the last 3 years, his health has taken a huge plummet downward and because of this, so has our relationship. My boyfriend who normally weighs about 150, now weighs around 220. He is on oxygen 24/7, can't walk very far at all without gasping for air, is constantly in pain, due to many surgerys, as well as back disease. He can't lay down at night and sleep like normal people because he can't breathe if he does, so he sits up all night and all day long, dosing in and out of sleep constantly. His family doesn't do much at all to help him and because of his health, I moved him into my mom's house, where I live, so that I could help take care of him more. However, this has made things between us even worse. He is absolutely miserable, but who wouldn't be that has to live like he does everyday. And I understand that, but I feel like I have all this weight on my shoulders and I can't do anything to make him better. Because of this, I have become very resentful and I find myself being mean to him because of it. I get mad that he doesn't do anything for himself except sit there and continue to die. We haven't been intimate in close to 3 years, and all we do is argue and fight anymore about anything and everything that we talk about. It's like we are friends, but friends that can't even get along anymore... I am overwhelmed with guilt at times. The man that I fell in love with is no longer the man that I am with today and it breaks my heart because I feel so guilty for wanting to leave him because who is going to take care of him if I do... I am 33 and I feel like I could have so much more in life now than what I have settled for, especially since most of my life has been stolen due to drug and alcohol addiction. I have finally gotten myself on the right track; started working, about to graduate from college, am able to care for my teenage children again, but I am miserable in my relationship. I care about him so much and I don't want to hurt him, but every time I bring up the fact that our relationship is pretty much over , he gets very upset and I feel so bad about it. I want him to be in a place where if I did leave, I could feel like he was going to be okay without me, but I don't even know where to start. He is very stubborn and I just feel like he won't even help himself anymore. I want to find someone who I can be happy with again, but without feeling like a horrible person and I don't know if that is even possible. Please let me know if anyone can relate to this and help me figure out what I am going to do. Thanks.
November 14, 2014 - 9:10amThis Comment
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