I am so happy I came across this. I have felt so alone, felt like a horrible human being because I am so emotionally exhausted from having a husband that is constantly ill.
None of it is his fault, it's just the hand he was dealt. And he is not a whiner at all. I have been there for him through 5 back surgeries, multiple procedures and tests, and uncountable doctor and specialist visits. I have had one major illness in our 23 years together and he was there for me, but no where near how I am there for him.
Our relationship needs work, we need to reconnect as a couple, not as patient/caregiver. His illnesses are not life threatening or completely debilitating, but they consume our lives. There is never a "good" time to talk about us because there is always something wrong. I feel like a complete and total heel because I have come so near to the end of my rope. I am tired of being Superwoman. Tired of it all being about his illness. Tired of feeling like I am a roommate and not a spouse.
I know he doesnt want to be sick, he isn't a hypochondriac, but how can I wave the white flag and be selfish and say what about me? He has health issues but I dont. He has physical limitations but I don't. He lacks energy but I don't. I do go out with friends, I do things for me, but 90% of my time is with him and for hIm. I want him to act like he WANT me, not just that he NEEDS me.
I just feel so stuck. He has told me to move on, that it's ok for me to go, but I know he doesn't mean it. I love him. I want to be here for him but, god help me, where does one draw s line?
I am just happy I am not alone. Thanks to all of you who shared.
Comment Reply
I am so happy I came across this. I have felt so alone, felt like a horrible human being because I am so emotionally exhausted from having a husband that is constantly ill.
February 4, 2015 - 6:45amNone of it is his fault, it's just the hand he was dealt. And he is not a whiner at all. I have been there for him through 5 back surgeries, multiple procedures and tests, and uncountable doctor and specialist visits. I have had one major illness in our 23 years together and he was there for me, but no where near how I am there for him.
Our relationship needs work, we need to reconnect as a couple, not as patient/caregiver. His illnesses are not life threatening or completely debilitating, but they consume our lives. There is never a "good" time to talk about us because there is always something wrong. I feel like a complete and total heel because I have come so near to the end of my rope. I am tired of being Superwoman. Tired of it all being about his illness. Tired of feeling like I am a roommate and not a spouse.
I know he doesnt want to be sick, he isn't a hypochondriac, but how can I wave the white flag and be selfish and say what about me? He has health issues but I dont. He has physical limitations but I don't. He lacks energy but I don't. I do go out with friends, I do things for me, but 90% of my time is with him and for hIm. I want him to act like he WANT me, not just that he NEEDS me.
I just feel so stuck. He has told me to move on, that it's ok for me to go, but I know he doesn't mean it. I love him. I want to be here for him but, god help me, where does one draw s line?
I am just happy I am not alone. Thanks to all of you who shared.
This Comment
Reply