Hi,
I just read your post, and honestly don't know what to say. But, I wanted to say something. To let you know that I'm thinking about you, and your story, and your life. I'm not sure if there are any words for me to convey to you how much I admire your stamina (is that the right word?!). You seem like you have so many thing going for you, and that you are just waiting for the last piece to fall into place. And, I also realize that your comments above are just a snapshot of your entire life, including your husband but also the rest of your life.
Your husband sounds angry and mad beyond comparison, and to be the scapegoat for this must be unbearable. But, you endure it each and every day. I would even say that you are enduring an abusive relationship, as you are financial stuck, emotionally stuck (seemingly getting more "unstuck" in this way, as you sound like you have support people for you, regardless of your decision), being harassed and yelled at...these are all signs of abuse, regardless of your abuser's illnesses or health status.
As you sound extremely intelligent (and I have not read any previous posts for a while; forgive me if my questions are answered by you before), but what are all the reasons you are not leaving? I'm assuming you've played the "devil's advocate" a million times, but what if your husband would be happier in the long run if you did leave him? Yes, he would be mad at you, threaten you...but he's already doing that. He would be in the care of someone who is not emotionally attached (read: whom he could no longer blame, and a caregiver would not put up with emotional abuse), and he would still be cared for physically (and nurtured, of course).
Is there any truth to this statement: he would be a better person if you left?
It sure sounds like you and your precious son would be happier (he would have a happier mom), your family and even your husband's family supports you in this.
I say this from no personal experience of taking care of someone with a chronic illness, but as a woman who is married: there are times when I am so extremely irritated and frustrated with my husband. I swear he is from a different universe sometimes. It is those times that I have to walk away from him, leave him, and he gets angry that I won't speak and "talk out" our problems. When I do stay and talk, it is worse---I blame him for everything because I am so blinded by my own anger and frustration. When I do leave (go to a bookstore, sleep in a different room that night), I see him the next day and want to talk. My blinding anger is gone, and I'm left with the real emotion: fear. Then, we can have a conversation and a more meaningful relationship, but I had to leave first.
And, if you still can't "go there", have you considered counseling for yourself? You sound very, extremely, well-adjusted, please don't get me wrong, but perhaps they can help you through the emotionally devastating aspects, the verbal abuse, and you can see a third option that you didn't see before?
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Hi,
I just read your post, and honestly don't know what to say. But, I wanted to say something. To let you know that I'm thinking about you, and your story, and your life. I'm not sure if there are any words for me to convey to you how much I admire your stamina (is that the right word?!). You seem like you have so many thing going for you, and that you are just waiting for the last piece to fall into place. And, I also realize that your comments above are just a snapshot of your entire life, including your husband but also the rest of your life.
Your husband sounds angry and mad beyond comparison, and to be the scapegoat for this must be unbearable. But, you endure it each and every day. I would even say that you are enduring an abusive relationship, as you are financial stuck, emotionally stuck (seemingly getting more "unstuck" in this way, as you sound like you have support people for you, regardless of your decision), being harassed and yelled at...these are all signs of abuse, regardless of your abuser's illnesses or health status.
As you sound extremely intelligent (and I have not read any previous posts for a while; forgive me if my questions are answered by you before), but what are all the reasons you are not leaving? I'm assuming you've played the "devil's advocate" a million times, but what if your husband would be happier in the long run if you did leave him? Yes, he would be mad at you, threaten you...but he's already doing that. He would be in the care of someone who is not emotionally attached (read: whom he could no longer blame, and a caregiver would not put up with emotional abuse), and he would still be cared for physically (and nurtured, of course).
Is there any truth to this statement: he would be a better person if you left?
It sure sounds like you and your precious son would be happier (he would have a happier mom), your family and even your husband's family supports you in this.
I say this from no personal experience of taking care of someone with a chronic illness, but as a woman who is married: there are times when I am so extremely irritated and frustrated with my husband. I swear he is from a different universe sometimes. It is those times that I have to walk away from him, leave him, and he gets angry that I won't speak and "talk out" our problems. When I do stay and talk, it is worse---I blame him for everything because I am so blinded by my own anger and frustration. When I do leave (go to a bookstore, sleep in a different room that night), I see him the next day and want to talk. My blinding anger is gone, and I'm left with the real emotion: fear. Then, we can have a conversation and a more meaningful relationship, but I had to leave first.
And, if you still can't "go there", have you considered counseling for yourself? You sound very, extremely, well-adjusted, please don't get me wrong, but perhaps they can help you through the emotionally devastating aspects, the verbal abuse, and you can see a third option that you didn't see before?
I wish you all the best!
June 9, 2009 - 11:45amThis Comment
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