This comment comes from one who was ill and whose wife decided I should have tried to recover better and said she wanted a separation for at least six to twelve months and didn't want to see me. To start the story in 2004 I was diagnosed with genetic Cardiomyopathy. My Dad died from it when he was 40 and one of my brothers has been going strong 15+ years after his transplant. I kept working till 2010, when I had to go on disability because when driving to work everyday I was starting to fall asleep at the wheel. Heart was working about 20 to 25% of someone who had a good heart at my age. Went 5 years at home on disability with limited function. Then basically went into the hospital for periods of 8 months and 3 months straight. Went through kidney failure 30 days after entering May 18, 2015. VAD put in June 19, 2015. On dialysis for around a year (June 2015 thru April 2016). Four open heart surgeries and three emergency ambulance trips. My driving force was to live for my wife, step-son, daughter and granddaughter. In retrospect I should have taken time from concentrating on recovery to spend more time with my wife. It was only after she wanted me gone, that a social worker said that "stress" of caregivers can sometimes overwhelm them like a tsunami wave. She became a different person, watched different things, changed her interests, among other things. That was the reason and I we were not told about that slim possibility and we were on separate pages going through the process. I was devastated and lost. How could this happen and why? It took me over a year after we separated that she finally showed me some blogs she had made while I was recovering, showing the depth of her despair and loss of faith. She had given up months before she told me and it was another year to see her words in the blog (not in person). She was 56, I was 65, so there was also the age difference. If anyone on either side of an illness and caregiver starts going down that road, they need to see the counselors immediately. (Just a must for future persons going down this path). Being a Christian and human, I have done many mistakes in the past, two failed marriages, one my fault, one was the others. This one I was determined to not make similar mistakes. I learned from the past, but never knew what this was to bring. I made it through faith and prayer (and God's Blessing and Grace) but then everything was gone or left me. I won't go down the problems with my daughter/granddaughter which was the final blow. To me it was for better or worse, good health and bad, richer or poorer, to death do us part. I didn't want to fail. We both did and I can't blame her for leaving. It took months of talking to friends, counselors and ministers to come to the realization that it was over. Sometimes it is so hard to understand God's plans and reasons for us. So, even though I wanted to stay married and live by God's Word, there was nothing I could do. Well, there was. Fight my way through the anger, depression, sadness to get my soul, heart and brain back to a forward looking set and listen for God's voice to tell me. God Bless BOTH and ALL of us who have to go through a long-term and debilitating journey. There are only two futures. One with God forever, or one a gift back to our human journey through God's Love.
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This comment comes from one who was ill and whose wife decided I should have tried to recover better and said she wanted a separation for at least six to twelve months and didn't want to see me. To start the story in 2004 I was diagnosed with genetic Cardiomyopathy. My Dad died from it when he was 40 and one of my brothers has been going strong 15+ years after his transplant. I kept working till 2010, when I had to go on disability because when driving to work everyday I was starting to fall asleep at the wheel. Heart was working about 20 to 25% of someone who had a good heart at my age. Went 5 years at home on disability with limited function. Then basically went into the hospital for periods of 8 months and 3 months straight. Went through kidney failure 30 days after entering May 18, 2015. VAD put in June 19, 2015. On dialysis for around a year (June 2015 thru April 2016). Four open heart surgeries and three emergency ambulance trips. My driving force was to live for my wife, step-son, daughter and granddaughter. In retrospect I should have taken time from concentrating on recovery to spend more time with my wife. It was only after she wanted me gone, that a social worker said that "stress" of caregivers can sometimes overwhelm them like a tsunami wave. She became a different person, watched different things, changed her interests, among other things. That was the reason and I we were not told about that slim possibility and we were on separate pages going through the process. I was devastated and lost. How could this happen and why? It took me over a year after we separated that she finally showed me some blogs she had made while I was recovering, showing the depth of her despair and loss of faith. She had given up months before she told me and it was another year to see her words in the blog (not in person). She was 56, I was 65, so there was also the age difference. If anyone on either side of an illness and caregiver starts going down that road, they need to see the counselors immediately. (Just a must for future persons going down this path). Being a Christian and human, I have done many mistakes in the past, two failed marriages, one my fault, one was the others. This one I was determined to not make similar mistakes. I learned from the past, but never knew what this was to bring. I made it through faith and prayer (and God's Blessing and Grace) but then everything was gone or left me. I won't go down the problems with my daughter/granddaughter which was the final blow. To me it was for better or worse, good health and bad, richer or poorer, to death do us part. I didn't want to fail. We both did and I can't blame her for leaving. It took months of talking to friends, counselors and ministers to come to the realization that it was over. Sometimes it is so hard to understand God's plans and reasons for us. So, even though I wanted to stay married and live by God's Word, there was nothing I could do. Well, there was. Fight my way through the anger, depression, sadness to get my soul, heart and brain back to a forward looking set and listen for God's voice to tell me. God Bless BOTH and ALL of us who have to go through a long-term and debilitating journey. There are only two futures. One with God forever, or one a gift back to our human journey through God's Love.
January 12, 2018 - 1:43pmThis Comment
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